The WAIT is over

The wait is over and I am happy but also sad.

A few months ago we were asked to consider a special needs baby. He had some issues we were not familiar with and really didn't know if we could handle. Many hospitalizations were ahead of this little guy and with three other little ones we weren't sure how to deal with everything.

After much prayer and thought we decided at this time it was too much for us. We also said, "let us know if he doesn't find a home soon."

So I prayed for him. Jake started this round of testing and was passing with flying colors. Although he still has delays there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Baby's social worker came around again.

Maybe now we would be able to say yes. Once again earnest prayers were sent. Not only for us and baby but for the entire family. Lots of medical issues would make for an adjustment of schedules.

The answer at first was wait. So I waited. I prayed. I waited. I prayed.

Then a few nights ago Blake and I both agreed the answer was not now. We were both sad but knew it was right. When I got back in touch he had a new home!!!

Yes baby has a new home. I am so happy for him.

Sometimes the hardest part of waiting is not knowing. I know he will be fine now that he has "found" his family.

We are still not sure why we were told "not now" but all things will eventually work for the good.

WAITING

I haven't posted much. I have been praying about something. Several times each day I prayed for an answer and I didn't get one. In my way of thinking there are only two answers, yes or no.
God showed me tonight there is HIS choice for the situation. WAIT.
I am not sure why I didn't hear it before. Maybe I was too caught up in listening for yes or no or maybe this is the first time Wait has been uttered.
Either way, tonight while loading the dishwasher I was told in no uncertain terms to wait. To be honest, I don't know what I answer I am even waiting for but I am sure God will tell me when the time comes.
When will that be? I wanted to know that too. The response was still the same. Wait.
So I will be waiting knowing that God's plan will be so much better than anything I could dream up.
Now I know how my children feel when they want to ask me something and I sait, "Wait a minute." UGH!

Marvin and Anabeli were playing up in her room.
I am not sure what happened but she came stomping down the stairs with Marvin mumbling after her.
The only part I heard was, "Stupid."
ME: "Marvin that is not nice. I told you to be nice. You don't call her that. I am listening to you. "
Without missing a beat or even thinking twice he said, "What? I forgot her name."
Miraculously he remembered it when I suggested a time out on the sofa while he tried to remember her name.

I just read something I really like.


"I used to have a handle on life but it fell off."

hahahahaha.

A good laugh is great medicine even if nothing is ailing you.

TAKING TIME

Today I went to the bottom of the driveway to wait on Jake's bus. Just me. All alone.
As I turned off the car, the radio went off and I experienced the most beautiful sounds.
God has given us a symphony of sound but we are often to noisy and too busy to hear.

As I sat there and heard the birds sing, the wind blow and the crickets chirp I heard something else, the silence of peace.

God has created this beautiful song. It is restful and uplifting. It is majestic and simple. It is His creation for us to enjoy.

All the stress of the last week slowly disappeared. As it was quiet I prayed, really prayed without the interference of children, tv or unnatural noise.

By the time the bus arrived I was refreshed and ready to take on the afternoon. Never could I have guessed the small gift of silence God gave me today would be as restful as a good night's sleep.

We need to stop. Turn off the noise around us and enjoy the symphony God and His world provides for us.

TIMES ARE TOUGH

What a crazy mess the past two weeks has been.
The short version:
Jake had surgery on the 24th for a guy issue and for another guy issue and he was miserable for almost 10 days. I felt so bad for him. He would lay and just say, "hurt mommy."
But he is up and moving again.
Two weeks ago I went to get the clothes out of the dryer to fold but to my surprise they were still really wet. The guy couldn't come until Wednesday then he had to order the piece which did not come in until this Monday. THEN... he couldn't get back out here until Wednesday to fix it.
Thank goodness for me parents who were able to help me keep up with necessities. Also thank God the weather started to change and we could wear the new fall clothes. This helped keep us all in clothes.
He was to come on Wednesday and Monday night the washer broke. It didn't just break down. It quit for good. But of course I didn't find out until Wednesday. But the good news is the dryer is working again.
I ordered a new one Wednesday night to be delivered on Thursday but I am not sure why Lowes couldn't seem to get it to pull up for delivery so it didn't get here until today!
THEN when they hooked it up they found out there was a hole in the pipe and water sprayed everywhere.
So Blake ran out and got the part and our plumber will hopefully be here Monday to get us hooked back.

If that wasn't enough my laptop screen blew and now I have to use the kid's computer. I am stuck in the office. Bummer.

Next week is a new week and a new opportunity for things to get better!

Marvin: "If we set a mouse trap what are we going to do it we kill Mickey Mouse? How will we go to Disney World?"

Me: "Marvin go back up to your room and STAY in the bed until morning."

NOTE

Note to Marvin and Jake....
Occasionally, beyond my control, I am required to go potty. I can promise you I wait until I just can't hold it any more. I don't go just to make your life a party. Your party makes my life miserable.

With that being said.....

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to sneak a jar of peanut butter into my room and eat it with your fingers. You DO NOT then try and wipe off the evidence of my carpet. This tends to really upset me and make me angry.

Then after I get the floor cleaned up and the peanut butter back in the kitchen, DO NOT come running to me with peanut butter all over your hand and say "Do you want me to wash my hands?"

Yes Please!!!!

Maybe, just maybe I can understand the fascination to a three year old but a five year old???? Just don't get it. Never have. Never will.

HERE'S YOUR SIGN

For some reason today I feel prickly. I don't know why. Maybe it is lack of sleep. Three hours just doesn't get it for me.
Anyway, remember that Bill Engril (spelling of last name might not be right) who did the "here's your sign" routines?:

Lately I have felt like I should have signs. Does anyone stop to think before they talk? The rule around here is think before you speak. I say it about 50 times a day.

1- Do you love your "real" kids more? DUH. All my kids are real. No imaginary kids here. I love all six of my kids. Days and days go by and I even forget I have two types of kids. To me they are all our real kids and we love each of them for their unique ways. Adoption does not qualify for second rate.

2- Do you think they know they look different? My word I hope so. I am blond and hazel eyes. Blake is grey and blue eyes. The three older ones are also shades of light brown and either brown or blue eyes. The three youngest are coal black hair and eyes and beautiful brown skin. By the way, ask them. After all Marvin is 5 and Bell is almost five. Jake constantly plays with my hair and says pretty. He knows. Just so you know. Our house also has lots of mirrors so I am sure they have seen their reflections once or twice.

3- Are the Mexican? Technically Mexican isn't even a race. People from Mexico are Hispanic. Guatemalans are Latinos. They were born in Guatemala, another tip off they aren't "Mexicans".

4- How can the two oldest ones not be twins? Well they each have a biological mother and father, not the same mother and father. They are five months apart. If they don't look like me and you know they are adopted, figure it out when I say they are five months apart.

5- I bet they really like it when you go to a Mexican restaurant right? Yeah but so does the rest of the family. I have been eating Mexican food all my life. It is not a cultural thing.

6- Do you eat burritos and tacos every night? Nah sometimes we mix it up and have tacos and burritos.

7- When they grow up are you going to send them back to Guatemala to live? No. They are US citizens. They will live here. After all, this is what they know and love. How about we send you to a deserted island to keep you from spreading your "stupid"?


8- Do they speak only Spanish or do they understand English? Or a variation can be "How did you know what they were saying when they were babies? Did they speak English?" No they spoke baby. Marvin came home at 8 months, Bell and Jake both at two years. Bell had the best language skills of the three and even then it wasn't much. I knew what they needed because they were MY children. Refer back to answer 1 if you find this confusing.

THE MOST BIZARRE QUESTION TO DATE:

9- What do you mean they are from Central America? I thought you said they were adopted from another country? GEOGRAPHY... learn it. Central America is south of the US. It does not mean sitting the in middle of the United States or centrally located in the U.S.

So there you have it. The nagging questions of our society. Sad but true.

Looking at the airline prices to Guatemala City. No real reason except I have done it for so many years it is just what I do.
I am so wanting to go back. The food, the wonderful people and the beautiful brown babies.
Such a change from a year ago when I didn't ever want to go back and relive the horrors of Jake's first two years.
It is amazing how God and time heals all wounds.

THE ROMANCE IS OVER

I just hope I can revive it.
My marriage was going to be different. I was going to always have romantic feelings for my husband. I was going to walk on water to get him anything he needed or desired. I was single handily going to change romance.
I have failed.
Today I was doing laundry from our vacation. As I was using my neurotic sorting techniques I decided Blake was running low on socks without holes.
The man doesn't care about much. He is really easy to live with but he does have his limits. I don't care how much it costs he wants a certain kind of shaving cream, shampoo, toilet paper, underwear and socks.
He is on his feet sometimes as much as 12 hours a day seeing patients. He deserves his choice of socks while he is "healing the world of their seizures and sleep disorders". Dramatic??? maybe. A little over the top??? Definitely.
Anyway you just can't go to Wal-Mart and buy socks for him. So I thought about it. It would include but not be limited to the following points.
Getting three munchkins into the car.
Working around preschool schedules, PT and other appointments, etc.
Remembering the stroller.
Dealing with hunger issues that are sure to pop up with Chik-Fil-A next to the mall.
Getting into the mall and finding the store.
Buying the socks while trying to keep track of all three kids.
Leaving and fighting the traffic.


Next thought: Can I just do more laundry and get away with this until I go Christmas shopping? It would be so much simpler.

So my friends, the romance is over. I no longer feel as if I can move the world to take care of my husband's special needs.

On the brighter side it took 19 years for me to fall off the wagon!!! :)

WHY?

Why is it the phrase, "Jake come to mama." requires him to run in the opposite direction as fast as he can??? At least he is running. LOL

TOILETS

What is there about a three year old and a toilet?
He sure won't use it for the intended purpose. He screams "Jake no potty" if you even suggest it.

Side note- If told he will go get a diaper and wipes. Or if I forget about changing him he will bring me a diaper and say "Jake new diaper". But the potty is evil.

So far today I have fished out a washcloth, a receipt from somewhere (I can't read it with the ink smeared), a wood block and a pencil.

I tried toilet locks but my little guy figured it out before I did.

So we went to sitting a brick on the lid. Genius I thought until he figured out how to scoot if off and gouged the wall.

Love this guy!

QUESTION OF LIFE

So this is the "life question".

You buy Krispy Kreme doughnuts for the kids. They are soooo fattening so you allow yourself ONE!
How do you know which one to pick???

ANSWER: You wait until the little ones are in bed and the big ones are out of the room. Then, you pick each doughnut up with your fingers and weigh them. Of course the one that is the heaviest wins since you know it has the most cream.

And you know that a doughnut has xxx calories (it says so on their website). So might as well take the one with more cream. RIGHT????

I should be a philosopher.

I do plan on updating soon I promise. School starts next week and we are just trying to jam as much summer as we possibly can into what little time we have.

WHO AM I

Today our youth pastor's message was on "Who Am I?" It was a wonderful message.
We should never forget as Christians we are God's children. The sacrifice of His Son on the cross was huge. More than we could ever imagine.
As we become Christians, we become children of THE KING. His blood has covered us and made us whole.
When I think about what was said today it became clear to me that everything I am is because of God's hand on my life.

So here are the stats:

I am a woman who is fearfully and wonderfully made. God took care of that!
I am the wife of a neurologist who just happens to be the best in the world at what he does. I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams marrying someone so perfect for me. God had it all planned out.
I am a 40 something mom of six. I am the mom to the most beautiful two daughters in the world. I am the mom to the four most handsome boys in the world. My thoughts years ago were to be a career woman and not have children. I wasn't cut out for family life. God knew the truth.
I am the daughter of a 30+ year cancer survivor the world of medicine did not know of a cure but God knew more.
I am not out to change the entire world. God didn't call me for that. He called me to change the world of my six children and in doing so teach them His ways.
I have never shied away from a challenge but I had no idea God would challenge me as hard as He has in the last year.
I am not an educator but God has a plan for me to educate others on His life and plan.

When I was working around the house today, "Who I Am" was on my mind. Then the more I thought about it the more it became clear to me. It is time now to work on what I want to be when someone says, "Who was Cindi?"

I want people to remember me by my love for my family. I want my children to remember their mom as someone who loved them with all her heart and wanted the very best for them. I want my children to remember me by following God's plan for each of their lives.

I wanted to be remembered by my faith. God's plan for our lives requires faith. It is not easy to roll with the punches. Faith in God and His plan keeps us safe.

I want to be remembered for my passion of telling others. Life is so short. I have memories from a young that seem as if it was only yesterday. Time passes on. Sharing the gospel should have top priority.

But it is not enough to be remembered for "telling others". I want to be remembered for showing others the way. Practice what you preach. Don't just tell about the Bible. Show the Bible and God's love in every single thing you do.

Who Am I? I am the adopted princess of Christ the King. That is all that really matters.

LAUNDRY CLOSET

It is after midnight, closer to 1 AM I think but now I am all worked up and can't sleep.

Get ready:

It is all because my laundry closet is in a shambles.

Yes I am totally off my rocker. Yes I am losing my mind. Yes I am concerned about my laundry obsession BUT...

I am more concerned that my children cannot follow a logically developed system. What is the deal???

First of all I love me house. Our home was a gift from God that allowed us the ability to adopt three times. But that is a whole new post. Someday I will tell the story.

But there are two flaws. 1- The kitchen is incredibly small. This house was built for a large family. I have got to know some of the children very well. Even they felt the kitchen was too small for them. So on that fact I am not alone.

2- The laundry room is even smaller. It holds my washer and dryer on one wall. The whole wall is used up by the washer and dryer. Across you have a sink and a small cabinet and a door. One side wall is bare the other has a pull out ironing board that won't pull out unless the door is closed because there is no room. Once you close the door and pull it out you are stuck until you are done. Needless to say I don't pull it out often.

Anyway I have a laundry closet. This is a normal size coat closet that had a shelf about five feet from the laundry room.

I added another shelf and stacked laundry baskets in it to make a laundry closet. This is all the space I have for dirty clothes and with eight people dirtying clothes things can get out of control before you know it.

With everyone sick laundry started to pile up. I just didn't have time to do it. My main concern was my children, my husband and keeping myself and Ann well.

I asked the three oldest, please to gather all the dirty laundry and sort it into the right containers. Ann didn't have any clean clothes today because she has been hoarding her dirties. Why???

Now my obsession has me labeling the shelves and all you need to do is read to know there is a basket for lights, darks, reds, jeans, towels and to be bleached.

Maybe it is excessive but I read a book once that said to find your own "clean" space that makes you feel comfortable and keep it clean. When you are stressed you will know at least one part of your home is clean.

Mine is my laundry closet. The rest of my house can be a wreck. My youngest three can have snot pouring out of their noses and dirty, muddy clothes on. My oldest can be loud and obnoxious and have things strewn everywhere as long as I can open the closet and things are orderly I am safe in my own little world.

Mess with the closet and you mess with my universe.

Now also they (the school system) tell me my three oldest children are "gifted". They say they were born that way. Don't think so but who am I to argue?

Each one of these children can read way above grade level. Ann was reading her father's medical books in fifth grade and then discussing them at supper. She even knew that she was talking about.

I don't know what your normal supper conversations are about but ours include things such as what our bodies look like without skin? How much blood can you lose before you die? Why did God give us nose hair? How do you take out some one's appendix? Have you ever seen someone who is decapitated (one child is extremely sick in the head)? What is your favorite surgery? And my favorite, If one of us needs surgery can you ask the doctor if we can all watch?

So why can't these children understand what a dark article of clothing is? Or what a towel looks like and even better, why even though it is not a towel we put washcloths in the same basket? I know it doesn't say that just use your head!

I opened my closet tonight and almost needed heart surgery but then the thought of Blake and the three oldest watching my open heart surgery brought me to. I can hear the conversations now...

"Can you let me see it beat?"
"What happens if I cough right now? Do we need to start over?"
"Want to add a little more love in the old lady's heart while you are there?"
"Can I keep the bloody gauze pads? I bet I could gross out some people with those?"
"While you are in there can you make her more patient?"

Once again I digress.

Everything was a mess. They are all sleeping with their sweet, little tired bodies resting on soft mattresses with sheets that I am sure would cause mass confusion if I told them to put them in dirty clothes closet. After all there isn't a basket marked sheets? Where would they put them?

I sorted out four loads and lined the hall for tomorrow with them and then even though it is late, cleaned out each basket, vacuumed the closet floor and surrounding area, put the extra dirtys in the basket, put it all back and then quietly stared into the closet. I even found Marvin's long , lost knight and Donkey Kong in that back of the closet from last week.

Then it hit me. During the day or two the closet was in such a mess the world did not implode. We are all still alive (for the moment) and things are good.

But unfortunately that feeling didn't last long either. I just don't understand who three smart kids have trouble with laundry. It is probably a part of the universe I will never be able to grasp.

Now that I have vented I am off to bed. If they only knew tomorrow will hold yet another laundry lesson, they would all be down here helping me :)

I am such a sad, sad irrational person!

WRAP UP

Vacation was fantastic. We had a ball.
Quick post though.
I will try and get things caught up really soon.
Marvin was very sick our last two days in Florida with a high, high fever. Very scary.
We began to wonder if we were going to make it home on a plane.
He managed to get well enough to fly.
Made it home. Flew into Columbus. Blake was in the front of the plane with the two oldest. I was in the back with the three youngest. Does that seem fair to ANYBODY??
Met him at the luggage pick up and he looked AWFUL.
He ended up missing work the next day while he had a high fever.
Slowly but surely it has made if through five of six kids and Blake.
I did not get it. PTL.
Ann didn't go with us and she didn't get it.
Must have been a "bug" floating around the happiest place on earth.

I am way behind from holding sick little ones and caring for two older sickies plus Blake. Of course there is always the laundry to keep me busy too.

Will be back soon. I promise!!!
Marvin's birthday is Saturday so I also need to get a present, order a cake, etc.

TOOT, TOOT OFF WE GO

Well everything is packed, mostly cleaned up and we are waiting on time to go. Ann has been given her orders and there are MANY sheets of paper for her to reference while we are gone.

We have two more loads of laundry to start and we are out the door.

I can't believe we made it with this much time to spare! This is definitely a new feeling for me.

Next stop: Universal on Wednesday!
I will try and put on pictures while we are there!!!!!

Cindi

NEW TOY

Jake has discovered a new toy---the vacuum cleaner.

He has sucked up so much stuff in the last 24 hours.

His favorite thing to do is to turn it on and stick it to his skin. UGH He is covered in vacuum hickeys. It must be a sensory type thing because he smiles as he does it.

Thank goodness I own a Dyson. I need the extra suction power to move a piece of red crayon, the wadded piece of paper, two paper clips and a sock. Those are just the things I can see in the collection container.

Today was his last day of school before summer break and vacation (two weeks). He goes back after the 4th of July holiday. He said goodbye to all his friends. It was so sweet.

Then he went to daddy's office.

You know those letters and numbers that are on charts at doctor's offices? They are a great thing for Jake. Every time we stop by he comes out of the office with 09 stickers, along with a few letters. I have even found him trying to remove them from charts. This kid cracks me up. He doesn't like normal stickers, oh no. Those would be too easy. He only likes the chart stickers that are expensive! Luckily daddy doesn't care.

Back to getting ready to leave. The paper chain has very few rings left so it was easy to count this morning. :)

7 days X 7 people = 49 outfits

We are still here and trying to get ready to leave in a few days.

It is impossible to keep the laundry up around here. I have done three loads today and I am (believe it or not) just waiting for the kids to get dirty!!! That is a first.

Because I am soooo bizarre everyone but Jesse needs for me to clear their outfits through me. Of course Blake wouldn't need to but he is so busy the few days before we leave I just usually pack for him. But even he seems to be heading for vacation mode.

Today has been interesting. Blake, Ann and Jesse went to Miami University of Ohio for a college visit this weekend. It really seems quiet around here noise-wise but it is never boring.

Jake found a bottle of kid shampoo and poured it all over the floor while I was busy. He then played in it and worked into the carpet in the bathroom.

(Note to self-- Never in a million years would I have carpet again in the bathroom. )

At that point playing in the shampoo was no longer fun so he moved on to dumping Thomas trains into the toilet.

When that chore was done he took off his diaper and ran butt naked screaming "I Jake". Yeah we know.

It is hot and humid today so he has on only a diaper but he loves his foot braces so he has on his socks, braces and shoes too. Quite the sight with his spider legs. He has grown almost 2 inches in the last month, all in his legs.

Anabeli is always willing to help and she has delivered the clothes filled baggies to packing central. Every outfit for the three goes into its own baggie. When you are done with it you can put it back in the baggie . Dirty and clean do not need to mix. Plus I know the little guys will match without difficulty.

Marvin and Sam are trying to hide but I keep calling and pulling them back into the mess of packing.

Everyone is getting excited and for the first time in several years I think I might be ahead of the packing schedule.

Ann still isn't going. I had hoped she would change her mind but that is not going to happen. Independence is over rated.

BACK FROM THE DOCTOR

The doctor's visit was interesting.

Sam was told to "take it easy". No running or jumping for 7-10 more days. Yeah right. The edema around the bone is going down so things are healing right along. Sam has not walked since the day he learned to run.

X-rays were done again and a few strange things were found. This kid is so odd.

At some point in the last 18 months (previous xrays at that time) he has broken the big toe on his other foot AND the other side of the foot that is bruised.

Of course there was the usual interrogation by the doctor and myself but he says he doesn't remember any pain. Now how can that possibly be?

The side of his foot that was broken shows "inflammation" around the healed break. I am not sure exactly what that means and when I asked Blake he just said something about it will be ok. Avoiding the issue, I am sure.

We go back after vacation to "rethink" what to do about the unknown breaks. The doctor asked for Blake to come back too. Not a good sign.

This doctor is a friend who wouldn't do that if he didn't think it was necessary. I am not overly concerned but would like to know how a 13 year old child can have two breaks and not know it.

Anyway we are still trying to get everything ready for vacation. Packing for five kids is hard. It is even harder to think Ann is staying here. I am so thankful my parents and sisters live less than five minutes away.

SIX

Last night Blake and I were discussing the number six.
It is not uncommon for people to say...
"Will there be any more additions?"
"Are you done?"
"Please tell me you don't want more kids."

(The last one gets to me.)

So last night we talked about the good, bad and ugly of six.

The good:
There is always someone to play or argue with.
There is plenty of love.
Hand me downs are great.
Six hugs and kisses at night.

The bad and the ugly:
Loads and loads of laundry.
Food costs are soaring.
The bickering between Marvin and Bell is outrageous on some days.
College for six.
Weddings for two.
The cost and time of six with different hobbies, sports and past times.
Being the parents of six at our age.
The stares of some people when you tell them you have six children (once again at our ages).
The troubles and needs of each child can be multiplied by six.
The long nights and even longer days sometimes.

So we looked at the list of good and bad. Then we were just quiet.

Are we done? Only God knows. But maybe, just maybe, if He sees fit six might not be our favorite number.

Yes we are old. Yes it is a strain on every financial budget. Yes it is tiring and there are some nights you fall asleep in a second.

But are we too old? Maybe not.
Are we willing to make sacrifices? Definitely
Are we willing to allow ourselves to be loved and share love? A million times yes.

So I guess the answer is "God we are waiting and listening." Can you let me in on the secret though??? :)







I think He already has.

VACATION COUNTDOWN

Well vacation is back on. YEAH

Sam's foot is not broken but does have a terrible "bone bruise" and a pulled tendon. He is in a cast for at least the next 10 days in hopes it will heal and he will not have pain on vacation.

The MRI was done on Tuesday and we were excited to find out things looked good. Praise the Lord we are doing vacation though.

Since school is out we are getting things done. Laundry is almost caught up. Winter clothes are finally put away. Yard work is coming along.

It is only 70 degrees today with rain and thunderstorms later tonight. It looks like we might have a mild summer. I am so happy for that. We have usually had at least two 90 degree days by now and I don't think it has been anywhere close to that!!!

Ann's party was wonderful and I am hoping to post and update and pictures in the next few days.

Right now I am spending all my extra time reading Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover." It is a great book and I recommend it for everyone even if you think you have a good handle on your expenses.

Through the use of spreadsheets and information in the book, we were able to identify all of those little money stealer's from our budget. I get excited when I see all the little changes we can make that will add up to big bucks after a while.

Tonight we are going to tighten the budget. It is not as painful as I thought it would be. It is not going to always be easy but in the end, I am sure with six kids to put through college we will be glad we gave up those little luxuries we take for granted.

More soon.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

We just walked back in from the doctor's office. Bad News.
Amost two years to the date, Sam has once again broken (they think) his growth plate in his foot. The only difference is that it is the right foot. Last time it was the left.
Just like last time we are to leave on vacation in two and a half weeks.
I can't believe this.

JAKE'S 11 THINGS

Jake is taking over the posting tonight. He wanted to tell you all the 11 things he has learned since coming home. He has been home 11 months now.

1- I can eat with a spoon or I can eat with a fork. Forks and spoons are nice but fingers are even better.

2- Run-- Don't walk- EVER. When you are walking mom can keep up with you.

3- When someone says "Jake" duck low and don't make a sound. It is so much fun to watch the whole family look the house over for you.

4-Big brothers are so cool. They can swing you around, fight with you, play with you and teach you neat things like how to stuff a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet or how to bug your sisters.

5- Sisters will do anything for you if you sit long enough. Ann will even feed me if I stare at my food long enough.

6- Mom and dad love me unconditionally and forever. That's the best.

7- Tractors are the coolest things on wheels. I want a tractor. Not a play one but a really big one like my grandpa has on the farm.

8- Baby beds are over rated. Nothing is as nice as sleeping my my head up against daddy and my feet (kicking) near mommy's head.

9- School is cool. Unless you have a time out for pulling hair or trying to bite. I thought that is what teeth are for. Honest.

10- Dogs are great and love to share their food if I can sneak away from my mom. They will keep the other little kids away too if you feed them.

11-Physical therapy is fun but when you get tired "perch your lip" and you can ignore the rules.

Marvin and Anabeli are playing mommy and baby in the front room.
Marvin is the baby.
He just told Anabeli, "Pretend it is time for my physical therapy now. You need to lay out toys and tell me good job all the time."
So funny.
Anabeli is no longer mommy but now is "Miss Laurie".
Baby Marvin is NOT listening. That is just like Jake's behavior today at PT.
This boy is full of energy and the word, "NO!".

THE PARTY

Well we are about 10 days or so from graduation and the party and it is getting harder each day.

Today I was reminiscing with Ann about the day she was born. She is still so much the same but so different. At least the Nuk pacifier is gone!!!

Because she graduated in a nontraditional setting she doesn't have "school colors". We found a beautiful mossy green dress a few months ago that was beautiful on her and we have decided to work with that.

I am not very organized right now so we decided to have a the party at a place here in town. I didn't want to try and think this through on my own. How sad is that?

After much discussion (mostly me begging her to tell me what she wants) we settled on hamburgers, hot dogs, chips and salads, a chocolate fountain with lots of goodies and cheesecake.

Ann doesn't eat cake but loves cheesecake. We ordered it today from a friend of ours who owns a candy shop. So many flavors to choose from but we settled on "plain", banana split, chocolate, buckeye and white chocolate/strawberry. Of course that could change at any moment.

Moss green napkins, butter cream tablecloths and a small candle with graduation confetti will be used. I have also a small floral arrangement for the food table with fresh flowers in greens and ivory.

Invitations have gone out and things are moving right along.

Everyone has new clothes. The little guys have matching outfits.

Last weekend it dawned on me that my wardrobe now consists of jeans, shorts and t shirts. I have a pair of brown capris for church on Sunday during the summer that I wear with one of three matching shirts.

How pathetic is that???? So Sunday we went shopping for her a dress for the new boyfriends graduation and something for me to wear. It was painful. I HATE to buy clothes. That is so odd. Before children I loved to shop.

The party is June 6 with graduation June 7. I am dreading this so much. She keeps telling me she has graduated but I say not until the 7th! If you are there, look me up. I will be the mother crying hysterically. :)

It's 11:15 PM. I have worked hard today. Add to the usual mommy stuff a dentist appointment for Marvin, a trip to school to pick up Sam with a "strange" rash, the usual PT, Jesse's "supervised" driving, four loads of laundry just this evening and a printer that did not want to work with two grocery trips and you have one tired mommy.

But beside me is the sweetest little guy who is FINALLY asleep. He is leaning into me as he sleeps so sweetly.

I am tired but I am the happiest mommy in the world right now. I don't care if I get to sleep at all. I just want to watch him sleep. :)

NO MORE BA-BA

It has definitely been a whiny weekend here.

We had so much fun relaxing, enjoying extended family and just having fun but there was a small cloud hanging over Jake's head.

Summer is here and the weather is warming up. We have been hanging outside a lot!! Bikes and swings, slides and sidewalk chalk, "water squirters" and pails of water for "painting" are now the norm. It is so beautiful with all the greenery. We are loving the warm weather.

We went to the speech therapist on Wednesday. A good amount of the facial muscles on Jake's right side do not work. The therapist believes this was due to his neglect and being left to lay in a crib on that side of his face.

They want him to stretch and strengthen the muscles. The bottle had to go.

We decided to wait until Friday so that we would all be half way rested.

Friday morning I explained no more babas and we symbolically threw one in the trash. At nap time he was digging through the trash for it.

My heart was broken.

The therapist wants us to use Nuby cups so I bought a few and gave him his milk in that. He wasn't happy but what can I say? It needs to be done.

We only had one night of crying at bedtime. YEAH!

He is starting to adjust but occasionally asks for a baba when I hand him a cup.

On a brighter note, gum is also to be chewed for at least 30 minutes a day. This kid is thrilled. He will chew a piece of gum for at least two hours after nap. He hasn't swallowed it or left it on the floor. He is getting so big. At this rate his muscles should strength at a rapid pace.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT JAKE

Over the past 10 months Blake and I have had many conversations about "what to do about Jake." Do we allow this treatment? Do we test of this or that? Do we push harder? Are we pushing too hard?

Today's conversation was another "what to do about Jake". By 3 pm Jake had had three time outs at home and was really in big trouble for trying to bite the beloved Miss Laurie at therapy today.

He had a total of four tantrums today that ended in him throwing himself on the floor and me walking off. The three time outs all came after many warnings that had something to do with not touching something or another. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub for trying to hold Marvin's head under water. Plus at least 10 usual "lip perches". This kid could perch a bird on his lip.

"What to do about Jake?" The same thing every parent wonders when they have an active two year old.

YEAH!!!!!

Killer of a Day

Well we are in between appointments right now.
Jake is upstairs screaming, "no, no, no" because he doesn't want to take a nap.
The other two are laying quietly on our bed to watch Brainy Baby Spanish. Yeah I know it is not the best thing since it is so basic but I figure at least I am trying to work on their native language. I need to find something more suited for their ages that teaches Spanish. So I will just add that to the bottom of the "I gotta do" list. There that brings it up to only 100,000 things to do before the end of May. :)
Today Jake had OT and then to Help Me Grow for a repeat ELAP.
OT was all right but Ann is working so M and A had to go along. Drives me nuts to take everyone to something like that.
Last night I charged the DSs' but.... of course I forgot to turn on the light switch that controls the plug. So each got about a 40 minute charge.
That gave out at the end of OT and it was all down hill from there.
The whining and the fussing and the dirty looks (and that was just from me) was about more than I could handle.
ELAP was very successful and Nikki believes it shows HUGE improvement from last time, about six months ago. It will be score this week and we will meet again in two weeks.
I am so proud of the little guy. He tries so hard.
As we passed Daddy's office he said, "go daddy." We just had to stop in and say hi. Daddy was almost ready for lunch so we chilled in the car and off to Arbys. I don't like Arbys so it was a great place for me, NO temptation.
Took daddy back to work after a quick lunch and came home.
Ann and I need to leave in about 45 minutes to go wrap up the details for the graduation party. Still having a hard time with that one.
Then later this evening we are making a trip to Columbus to buy the remaining things we need for the party. Sometimes I wish we lived in a bigger city. Most of the time I am glad we don't.
She also wants to take me to her favorite restaurant, Mongolian Barbecue (?). I have not been there and she goes a lot with friends so I am excited about trying something new. I am also glad lunch wasn't a threat for the old diet.
So today I will have about 4 hours at home total as opposed to 16. Not much getting done today at home but a successful day thanks to Jake's motivation and Ann wanting to spend time with mom. I LOVE IT!

RACISM REARS ITS UGLY HEAD

RACIAL VENTING--- CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK

I know adoption is not for everyone. I know international adoption is probably for even less families.

I know people are racist. I know the most challenged amongst us have problems keeping their mouths shut.

But come on. To say something mean about a child?? Give me a break. Or should I say, "I almost gave someone else a break today."

If you feel the need to make a racial slur say it about me and not my child or better yet keep your mouth shut.

Today Jake had an appointment with the orthopedic for a fitting for ankle braces. Now we arrive everywhere we can at least 10 minutes early to give him a chance to walk at his own speed. It is our goal to let him do as much as he can on his own. If that means leaving early so be it.

He can walk but he still has a Frankenstein walk along with ataxia. He is so much improved but there is room for more improvement in time.

When we arrived at the clinic I pulled in to a parking spot near the front. The space next to us was empty. A woman pulls up and parks her van next to us and looks less than happy.

We sat in the car while Jake finished his kid's meal then it was time to go. As I was getting him out of the car this woman comes up and start accusing me of pushing the car door into her van. Since I have a huge SUV I am very careful to watch this.

I explained to her in a nice way that there was at least a half inch between the cars and I apologized that she thought I had hit her car.

She then pushed my SUV door into me while I was trying to get Jake out of the car! Hello?

I had him unstrapped but not out so I said, "If you give me just a second we will be out of your way."

She pushed the door into me again and got in her car still raising her voice that I had dented her car.

Then she just sat there.

I got Jake out and I held him to get away from her before I put him down. I sat him down and took his hand then and we started to walk.

She was still carrying on and said something along the lines of "That lady threw her door into my car. The woman with that "Mex---- Reta--".

My blood boiled. I wanted to rip her out of that car through the window and beat her up. No kidding. That turn the other cheek stuff in the Bible probably didn't mean when someone insults your child or at least that was my reasoning.

Yeah I know it does but it is nice to wish it didn't.

What if he had been old enough to know what she meant? What if the other kids would have been with me? Are you nuts? He is a little boy that doesn't know the meaning of the word racism.

If someone will play with him he is happy. Skin color doesn't matter to him. Disability or lack of doesn't matter to him. He is happy to play with anyone.

I ended up not saying a word to the lady. I really didn't want to be arrested today for beating up someone in the clinic parking lot.

I was also determined not to let it ruin our day. So we just went along and walked slowly into the clinic.

The funniest thing was after the altercation in the parking lot I have two people tell me how improved Jake was and that I am a good mom.

We didn't ask for either compliment!! God just sent them along to brighten a day that could have been horrible.

God always seems to know the best time to send the best people. :) I wish he could just sew some people's mouths shut.

As you can see I still have some work to do on forgiveness.

BANISHING THE BUTS

The Buts are back. It is time to banish them. Great except the two year old now really likes the word--- BUT.

A big pet peeve of mine is the word but.... followed by a child's reasoning. "Don't give me a but," is directed quite a bit to Marvin.

We had banished the buts a few months ago and today they came back.

"Please turn down the TV. Your sister isn't up yet."
"But I already did."

"Come and eat breakfast now."
"But I am not ready to eat right now."

"It is time to get dressed today. Let's check the weather."
"But I am not in the mood to get dressed."

So once again I have banished the buts. My lecture was great. My deliverance was great. Both M and A listened intently. After feeling I had stressed the point enough I stopped and they walked away. I had a smug look on my face.

Jake started to get out his blocks. I said, "Let's get dressed before we get those out."

He looked at me with those big eyes and said, "but no." Ignore it. He doesn't understand. Don't make a big deal of it. It will get old.

Evidently it is the word of the week. UGH. Every answer has but in front of it.

Marvin came into the kitchen so confused a few minutes ago and I asked him what was wrong.

"Jake butted me again mom. Tell him that is not a nice word."

So today we have PT/OT, orthopedics, doctor's visit and a quick trip to the grocery store while we are out. I am 100% positive "but" will be there too.

"Jake let's go find your shoes."
"But no. Gone."

I wish but was gone too.

BABY BOY TO YOUNG MAN

I am sitting in the office listening quietly to the noise in the basement rec room.

Jesse has three friends over for a sleep over tonight. The noise is insane. Video games are blaring. They are screaming to be heard over the games. And the smell.....

***Now before I go on I have got to say Blake says my nose is out of touch with reality. I smell phantom smells all the time and he has spent lots of time trying to help me find offending odors.

The smell in the basement now is a mixture of Axe body wash, several kinds I think, just plain boy and potato chips. (See I told you I have weird nose.)

Tonight will be filled with video games, horror movies, pranks and just relaxing.

Pancakes will be required for breakfast before everyone leaves.

It seems like yesterday Jesse was a colicky baby who made a different kind of noise. He cried nonstop, day and night, 24/7, 365 days... get the picture???

But with the passage of time that screaming maniac has turned into a young man, three inches taller than mom and arms of steel.

His dimples are still the same. His eyes are still steel blue like his dads. Jesse is Blake made over in personality. They are so much alike. I laugh sometimes when I go into a room and they are watching TV together. They have their heads tilted alike and same facial expressions.

His voice is deep now but still melts my heart when he says, "Love ya mom."

Jesse is also a young man of principles. He will not be swayed. While others his age are smoking, drinking or out causing problems, Jesse is living a life to be proud of. It is my prayer he continues too!

At 2 AM tomorrow morning when I have had enough of the noise and feel as if my ears are overloaded, I hope I can remember just how special he is!

We love you Jesse.

It's HARD

Sometimes it is hard to be a mom and watch your child struggle.

Tonight is the prom at Annie's old high school. "EVERYONE" is going. She isn't. Her junior/senior prom, depending on how you look at it, and she isn't able to go.

We try and tell her it isn't fair and she will get over the hurt. She will too. She is a very strong young woman.

But when you are 17, beautiful and unable to go to the prom for fear of being beaten to a bloody pulp, I am not sure anything else matters.

Girls can be so cruel to each other. She has been forced to learn about life at an age when girls should be enjoying themselves.

The sad thing is there are "Annies" all over the world going through the same thing. Most don't have someone to turn to and help deal with the problems and pain. My heart aches for them.

If I could say anything to them it would be, "Please hold out just one more day. Don't let them win by giving up on life. You are stronger than that."

We love you Annie, girl. Hang in there. You are so much better than this current situation. Cry if you want but don't let it consume you. Be strong. You are very courageous. Remember we are always here.

Smile. It makes everyone wonder what you are up to. :)

OFF AND RUNNING

Just to let you know why I haven't blogged.
We are off this morning to Jake's fifth doctor's appointment in two weeks. Each one requires at least five hours when you include driving. Add to that Ann's court date (which I really need to share. It was so funny.), preschool, the MRI story, and just regular life and I am so full of things to do.
Today I go back to the eye doctor to have my eye looked at again. I still have some mild pain but nothing like before so I am really not concerned.

The world did stop last night for an hour of LOST. I am sooo lost this season of LOST. Hahaha (lame joke)

Just another day.... another (two) appointment. Sigh....

ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE UNIVERSE

Right after I posted I decided too quit looking and put away the laundry basket of towels in my room. It has sat there for two days.

Way in the bottom of the basket what did I find?

A purple spikey ball Jake "lost" and a pink DS!!!

This smells of Jake......

Thank you God!

I AM LOSING IT

I have spent two days in a total blur...
The Easter Bunny brought a Nintendo DS and one game to each M and A. The Easter Bunny is hoping for quiet trips out and a quiet plane ride to Disney in June.

So.... Sunday was great. Monday was fine. Tuesday A couldn't find her DS. "I put it right here." and she points to the edge of the sofa.

I have looked all around the house. This house has been torn apart. I have found things I lost a long time ago. NOWHERE do I find a pink DS.

My cleaning lady helped me look yesterday and all of my day yesterday and half of today has been spent.

I freak when I can't find something so this is very disheartening to me. I want to sit and cry. Once again Blake thinks I am nuts. He keeps saying, "It will show up."

I am praying desperately God will help me find it or help her remember what she did with it.

At least I have now managed to clean under sofas, in closets, under beds, behind the TVs. The list goes on and on.

She loved it while she had it and Marvin loves his. But they are limited in the amount of time they can play. It is a great motivator for all of us I guess. :(

This child is going to worry me sick.

BUSY WEEK

I am trying to get back to here but it is almost impossible.
Hopefully on Thursday night....
My eye has had its ups and downs and that is slowing me down. Today is a down. It still hurts a lot when I least expect it.
The usual appointments including an MRI Jake had on Monday. Don't know the results yet but it does make for quite a story.
Ann to court yesterday. Know the results of that and it makes for a story.
Tons of daily junk and Easter coming soon.
I will get back very soon. I promise. :)

BETTER!

Well I drove myself to the eye doctor this morning to get released to drive again.

Blake finds that irritating but oh well.

I am much better. I still have some visual issues he felt would eventually go away but I am well enough to drive again.

Praise God for taking care of this for me. You have no idea how painful the four days were. I cannot even begin to express how miserable I was. But it is all in the past now. God is good.

We are leaving tomorrow for Florida!!! We are all rushing around trying our best to get everything done. Excitement is building.

Our house has Wi Fi so stay turned to pictures from the last two weeks and vacation.

Kya Blu and Jagger too;
I can't wait to meet you in person!!! It bummed me out to think we might not be able to spend time with you.

I love the Disney pictures mom has been posting. You guys are just too cool.

OFF FOR A WHILE

I will be off line for a while. I am not really sure how long.
Got up on Saturday morning with a lot of pain in my eye. Thought something was in it. Went to ER to fine out it was infected.
The pain was horrible all weekend long. Went to the eye doctor this morning and I now have a blister on the cornea. Thank goodness for Vicodin and Loratab.
What does this mean? Who knows. The good news is that it will eventually go away.
The possibility of shingles in the eye is there but as long as I don't get anymore sores they think it is just a one time thing.
The next 36 hours should tell the tale.
We are supposed to leave for Florida at 2:30 PM Friday.
As of right now I am still in pain and to see fine out of me left eye and doubly, shadowy and blurry out of the right.
We shall see. If we go we go. If we don't, we don't. Sure they will be disappointed but in the end it will all work out the way it should.

ANGRY AT GOD?

I have had several people ask me if I am angry with God for what Jake has been through.
My answer is a flat NO.

It is true that Jake has had his fair share, and then some, of troubles. But when I look at him, the situation that surrounded his homecoming and God's divine work I can only praise Him for what He has done.

Was I angry with the people involved? YOU BET. Am I working to correct it? YOU BETCHA. I don't want anyone to go through what we have been through unless they are fully aware of the situation.

Now would we have changed our minds if we knew about Jake's problems? No. God gave us him and he was our son long before we went to pick him up. We would have liked to have had more time to plan.

I have learned a "game plan" is not always needed when we let the Master hold the map our of lives. ---- HUGE, HUGE lesson for me to learn!

God's strength and His assurance that Jake was our son is what got us through.

Blake and I were talking last night about this. Jake was wound and wouldn't sleep at all until about midnight and we watched him romp around our bedroom.

God gave us Jake. People got in the way for His will for us and Jake. But in the end God's perfect will always wins out.

Have the last eight months been hard? Incredibly and I am not naive. I know there are many rough spots still to come. But I stand firm that God will see us through.

I would not trade a minute of our time together.

I would much rather our son did not have to suffer all that has come his way. I would much rather we would have met under better circumstances and his homecoming not be filled with uncertainty.

But if it meant in any way we would have missed out on the blessings, strength and love the Lord provided our family and those around us, I wouldn't change a thing.

So many people have asked about Jake's story and I have been able to share not only his story but God's sustaining power through a difficult situation.

We have met and worked with some outstanding people throughout the last few months.

But one thing I have now is sympathy. I know what it is like to have a child that needs special care. I know the exhausting days. I know the long scary nights. I have walked that road. I have lived the uncertainty.

We both know what it is like to sit in the chair and be the parent rather than the doctor. It has made Blake a better doctor. He has always been kind and compassionate but I see something more. I see a look of "been there done that."

I know how it feels when people look at you in shock and pity. And yes I know and 100% fully understand what the "dignity" of life is all about. I know the joys of parenting a child with needs and watching as small changes are made. I know the surprise that comes from waking up one day and seeing your child make a huge step in maturity.

I know what it is like to hold a child and love that child unconditionally regardless of the issues at hand or the issues you will face. I know what it is like to see a big smile and be so proud of your kid! I know what it is like to have a few stolen moments in the middle of a dark night. Nothing is sweeter than having him up against me and feel his chest rise and fall with his breathing.

Am I angry with God? No way. I am thankful for this experience. I wish my guy hadn't had all this happen to him but I am so thankful God was able to keep him safe and bring him to us.

When I see Marvin and Jake wrestling on the floor and hear the laughter I can only smile. Each one of our children have been touched by his little life.

He is a fighter. God has give him the strength to go on and survive. He has a special story that brings hope to those who hear it. He has a special plan. At this time only God knows what it is. I can't wait to see how it grows over the years.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to bring you hope and a future."

We have plans for our six children. We have hopes and dreams. But most of all we know God has plans for them. His plans are so much better than our plans could ever hope to be.

WE ARE SO BUSY!

Things around here are soooo busy.
Yesterday Jake saw the surgeon who was very pleased with his eyes. She couldn't get over how aligned his eyes were.
He is walking much better and we are seeing very positive changes in him.
He absolutely loves Dr. McGregor and so do we!
We are also trying to get this graduation thing under way. I am still fighting it for my own selfish reasons but Ann will be graduating June 7. Where has the time gone? My first littlest one will be 18 in October. It sure doesn't seem possible.
Ann and Anabeli went to Columbus this morning to look around for a girl's day. Anabeli was beside herself with excitement. She could hardly stand still for me to brush her hair. They will be eating at their favorite place, Chipolte for lunch.
Sunday there was a "bag" coupon for a free burrito in the paper. They have waited all week to use it.
Blake decided we need a spring break, even though two weeks ago we didn't. YEAH We are going near Destin FL and renting a house there for the week.
We leave one week from today so I am rushing around. The only major things I need to do is get the two younger boys hair cuts and get sandals for the three little ones. We are off to Wal Mart in just a few.
I have lots of pictures to post and I will try and get to that this weekend.

CHECK THIS OUT

If you don't usually read the comments, you NEED to read the one by Phyllis under Grouchy.
I cracked up. So very funny.
It did give me an idea on where to put the stuff. Nothing like getting to school and opening you book bag to find trash and a pair of dirty socks or undies???????
You never know what will happen when mommy gets grouchy.

YOU ARE GROUCHY TODAY

Time for a keeping it real post.

The two older boys are on my last nerve.

Yeah I am grouchy today! Could it possibly be that I am sick and tired of spending time cleaning up messes that they have "already" cleaned up?

Now Jesse didn't think I heard him complaining as he walked away but he was wrong! You think I was grouchy then? Hang on to your hat boy!

So it required lots of "lessons" while he helped me clean up.

You put the knife and plate in the sink, throw away the package, put the bread away and put the mayo in the fridge when you make a tuna sandwich.

When you are done with the Sunday comics you put the paper in the recycling bin. You don't throw it on the table.

This one amazes me---- When you change Jake's wet diaper you do secure it BUT you don't toss it at the trash can and HOPE it makes it in.

After bringing your laundry down stairs you do not just toss it in the closet. See the six (I know I am weird) baskets? Sort it.

Put your bookbag by the back door when you finish your homework.

Put your calculator back in your bookbag. You might need it tomorrow at school. You might want to put your homework in there too. DUH.

When you sweep the garage (one of his weekly chores) you put the broom back where it belongs.

Sweeping the kitchen floor does require moving the chairs out.


I thought this was all just something if you are 15.5 or 12.5 you should know.

Unfortunately once again the phrase, "Give me the cell phone" was heard again.

DISOBEDIENCE

Well where do I begin?

When our children are disobedient we punish them. Lately though with the older ones we have been letting the disobedience punish on its own.

You know what I am talking about. You didn't listen, you did this and now that this has happened you will pay the consequences.

Unfortunately today it was MY time to pay up. I guess in my heart I didn't consider what I was doing as disobedience until I was praying while driving to the grocery store. We can rationalize anything if we try hard enough.

Since Jake has had his eyes fixedc we have seen miraculous changes. More on this in tomorrow's post. On the down side, with the extra confidence comes extra impulse. Sam was also this way. He is so much like Sam except they were 10 years apart.

Today was "rescue me" day. He jumped off some steps today and didn't have a smooth landing. He tried to climb out of the bathtub and hurt his leg. He has a bruise on his chin from running too fast. He had to have a bath because he was covered in my iced tea due to a break down and going limp.

None of this would have happened a week ago people. I am so happy. You have no idea. I didn't know I could be this happy over these type of problems.

The one thing that has come to roost was I am 10 years older than I was with a two year old Sam. This is hard work. Impulsiveness with Sam was hard to deal with. You need to watch impulsive children closer.

So today I was praying while we were running errands. I was thanking God for the huge improvement in Jake. In 7 months we have gone from a lump of child to a sweet walking boy. I was also expressing to God my concerns. I am 10 years older. I have more kids. I am tired easier. on and on.

When I stopped talking God just poured it on.

You have put yourself in this situation.

Excuse me????? We asked YOU about adopting. We prayed for guidance. Why is this my fault?

You aren't listening.

Yes I am.

No you are not and now you will pay for it.

Um I think I don't understand.

Remember back over a year ago when I laid it upon your heart to lose weight? Remember the struggle you gave? Remember when you always had an excuse?

OK My first response was no I didn't?

But then many times I made an excuse came to mind.

1- I will lose weight after I get through the home study visit and the dossier. You know I eat when I am nervous.

2- I am going to Hawaii. Can't this wait until I get back?

3- As soon as we go into PGN I will start. PGN is stressful.

4 How can you expect I will be able to lose weight and keep it off through the holidays?

5- PGN kicked us out. I promise I will do something when we get this all done.

6- I am trying YOU aren't helping. (So I lied too.)

7- I can't possibly lose weight on a cruise.

8- Lord. Jake is a mess. This is gonna be really hard. Help me and please give me a break on the eating,

9- One month ago- Yeah Yeah. Can we wait until it is warm enough for me to walk outside for exercise?


TODAY- Lord why am I so tired?

He was so blunt.

Because you are too fat. We could have corrected this but you weren't willing. Now you must face the consequences.

Yes Lord I understand and starting right now I plan on doing something about this.
Right now I am giving it all back to you. Right now this minute I am going to trust you for the help I need.

So disobedience is not good. At the time, disobedience was not what I had in mind. I was just trying to delay things until they were convenient.

Now I see my convenience caused me to disobey. The same thing I tell me kids.

DISOBEDIENCE IS NOTHING MORE THAN NOT FULLY TRUSTING GOD TO HANDLE OUR LIVES. IT CAN ONLY OCCUR WHEN WE PUT OUR OWN THOUGHTS, OPINIONS AND ATTITUDES BEFORE OUR GOD.

Ugg. It is a good thing God loves us enough to help us get up when we fall and start again. I am willing to follow and do what I should have done a year ago. But the sad thing is I wasted a year of healthy living and peace that comes from complete obedience.

ABBY

Blake just received a call and had to go to the hospital for an emergency. I took the call and it doesn't sound good.

It made me think of Abby. She has been in my prayers all day long.

Please take the time to pray for her, Brent and Michelle and the sibilings too. They need our prayers more than ever.

WORD OF THE DAY

YUCK.
I am not sure when this word even came into play. " Who taught Jacob how to say yuck?" Marvin says Bell did it. Bell says "Marvin you mean. Mommy I didn't. Yuck is a bad word."

Yuck has been the answer for EVERYTHING.

Do you want to share an apple with mommy? Babble (his version of apple) yuck.

Will you let Annie hold you? Nanny yuck.

Let's wash your hands. Bath yuck.

I didn't say bath. I said let's wash your hands. NO Yuck.

Mommy needs to start the washer. Yuck. (I agree with this one)

Please don't touch the dog. Your hands will get dirty. You can't get your hands near your eyes if they are dirty. Dog yuck. Dirty yuck.

Please don't hit your sister. Bell Bell yuck.

Let me wash your eyes. Ear yuck (Little confused in body parts still.)

Open that door and don't close it again. Mommy yuck. Mommy yuck. Mommy yuck.

Yep. It might be a yucky day for some of us.
Man I love this kid.

Red Eyes

Marvin right before bed.

"Mooooommmmmm. Somebody colored around Jake's eyes with your red marker. It wasn't me. Must have been Bell Bell. Is she in trouble?"
This came from upstairs while I was straightening up at bedtime.
This kid is so clueless it is funny.
You have got to love the way his brain thinks.

WE ARE HOME!

Thanks for the prayers Phyllis.

Well I am not sure where to begin. Things are dramatically different.

We have been home about an hour now and Jake is going non stop. It is hard to believe this kid just came out of surgery!

Blake and I believe we see a major difference already in his walking. He is running around and can now turn on one foot with the other up in the air! The Frankenstein walk is disappearing somewhat. He is bending at the knees and he is more erect.

I can't believe the difference. My opinion, for what it is worth, was that he would be slightly tipsy and maybe falling more as he adjusts to his new vision.

NEVER did I expect him to be running around and laughing five hours after surgery.

What is so amazing is how quickly we have seen results. Laurie and I set up goals a few weeks ago and my goal was to have him falling less, about five times an hour as opposed to 20 or so. He is already there and probably exceeding it.

Praise God for all His wonderful miracles in my littlest angel. He has truly performed so many miracles in this guy.

I will post some presurgery pictures tomorrow. Right now I am worn out. We had high winds last night and the little ones didn't sleep well. Jake ended up spending most of night in our bed kicking and wiggling. :)

Where oh where?

Where oh where does that high pitched, ear shattering scream come from?

We haven't had a screamer until now. I don't like it at all.

This afternoon Sam and I and the three young ones went to Columbus. We had a ton of errands. Shoes for the three, pants for Sam, a stroller for Jake, a new spikey ball for Jake's surgery on Monday and a kitchen trash can.

That last item has been a huge project for over a week now. I get caught up on the dumbest things and can't seem to find something and get on with life. I guarantee I have managed to see every "stainless steel" trash ever made now.

I am sure that child screamed 50 times. Our day was really long and Blake was having a long day also. He picked up Jesse and they met us at Smokey Bones for supper. Sure beats the sandwiches and chicken soup I had planned.

I felt so bad for the people around us. It is one thing to listen to that wonderful noise when it is you precious angel. It is another thing to hear that noise from the little brat next to you.

I am so out of ideas on this one. I have tried saying no, covering his mouth lightly and saying no, ignoring it, pulling my hair out, ear plugs and the list goes on.

Tonight I am just hoping a good night's sleep will solve the problem.

Jake is learning his colors but is fascinated by the word "yellyo". Everything is yellyo. He knows he is wrong, because if I say try again he always comes up with the right color.

Anabeli was able to find a yellyo ball tonight. He screamed and smiled so big. The rest of the evening he would look at it, smile and say "mine yellyo ball". He is now sound asleep with his head on the yellyo spikey ball.

I wish everything wrong in life could be fixed by a yellyo ball. :)

JAKE IS HAVING SURGERY

Jake is going to have eye surgery for his strabismus (crossed eyes) on Monday!!!

We are so thankful to God for such a quick date. At his appointment a week ago we were told it would be at least the end of March maybe even the end of April before they could get him in!

Today I received a call about 1:00 saying someone had cancelled for this Monday and the doctor requested they call for Jake!

Now I know it could have been a coincidence to get him in so soon but there are a few other things at play here.

1- Ann is home now so babysitting on such a short time frame is not an issue for her.
2- Blake works at a hospital based clinic on Mondays. It is almost always really busy and then he comes back to finish hospital patients in Marion. The day can drag on into the evening sometimes.
When he called the office to check his schedule, it turns out it wasn't very full at all and he can reschedule his day without a big hassle! This is great. I was a little worried about him going under anesthesia since his history is so confusing for everyone.

So there is no doubt in my mind that God has worked it out for us long before the call.

To me that is the coolest part of this. God had all this planned out for us a long time ago. Long before we even saw the doctor last week, long before Jake came home God looked ahead and planned all this out. How neat is that?

Once again I am amazed at His ability to work in our lives. The nurse told us the doctor specifically requested us!

Just yesterday his therapist, Miss Laurie, told me how she had become so attached to the little guy.
"You just can't help but fall so in love with him." she said.

We so know the feeling.

I REMEMBER....

February 15--- 20 years ago Blake asked me to marry him.
We were so busy at the time every weekend.
We went out with friends, worked on the house he owned, went out to eat, went to the movies, shopped and the list goes on and on.

Fast forward to today:
1- We enjoyed a quiet morning and were able to sleep a few minutes later because all the kids were sleeping.
2- After everyone was up we spent a fun filled morning of hanging out with all the kids at one time or another.
3- Went to Sam's basketball.
4- Reasoned that since we were half way to the nearest Chipolte why not go on and eat an early supper at 4:30??? That is extremely early for us.
5- Took Sam to the sporting goods store and made it home before 6:30.
6- Played with the kids, bathed the little ones, etc.
7- He is going to read and I am going to rest and work on a grocery list.

BORING???? Compared to our weekends 20 years ago? You bet.
We were happy then enjoying that life. We are happy now enjoying this life.

Right now I can't think of any other way I would rather enjoy a Saturday.

IS IT EVER GOING TO WARM UP?

OK I know I will regret this post in a few months but I am beginning to wonder if it will EVER warm up.
We are supposed to get 2-4 more inches of snow today. I am really tired of the cold weather.
It takes so much longer for bath time with each child. All three need to be covered in baby oil to keep skin soft.
Going anywhere is a hassle with coats, mittens, hats and all the usual things.
Yesterday I just had the two boys when I took Marvin to the doctor and it was still a long haul.
Thankfully Jake likes the stroller and I don't need to carry him . Marvin is such a slow walker I thought we would both freeze in place.
Today the snow is already starting to fall and it should continue all day.
Looks like a good day for a pot of chili after Sam's basketball game.
I really don't like 90 degree weather but at this time I am so tired to be cold, dry and sick I am willing to suffer the heat.
Spring will come. I keep repeating that phrase several times a day.
I hope I start believing it soon.

UP, UP UP AND SINKING FAST

I was up this morning at 1:45, 2:30, 3:36, 4:58, 5:22, and 7:45. The times are stuck in my mind.
Marvin cried off and on all night with a sore ear. I had some "sore ear drops" but they expired in 2006 so I am not sure how good they really were but it did buy us a few minutes sleep.
He had an appointment at 9:45 this morning to confirm the obvious. He has an ear infection. The PA said it was "really red" and he acts like it hurts.
The good side is he has been started on antibiotics. We were able to get a new prescription for ear drops. He only occasionally complains now. And I am hoping for a good night's sleep and so is he.
This is only his second ear infection EVER! The first one was when he came home from Guatemala at 7.5 months old. This is a huge accomplishment as far as I am concerned.
I was the kid that always had cotton in her ear because she almost always had an ear infection and this was wayyyyyy before tubes. :(
We are going to have an early supper of mashed potatoes and gravy and turkey (Marvin's favorite) and then an early bedtime. Mama is sinking fast.
Tomorrow will be better. I keep telling him that.
After the appointment he said, "Mama I tried to be brave. Was I brave?"
Yes sweet boy. You were very brave.

GREAT NEWS FOR LIL B

I received information today that Lil B will get to stay at Eagle's Nest a little while longer!!!
Praise God.
His next hearing is at the end of April but as of right now he gets to stay in his home.
Please continue to pray for all these kids!

FETCH

We have a little white dog named Caesar. He is cute but can be somewhat annoying.

He loves Ann and with Ann home all day he sits with her while she studies.

Sometimes he wanders down to play a little with the kids. He really likes Jake.

A few weeks ago Jake and Caesar spotted a lone Cheerio on the floor at about the same time. They looked at each other and took off for the Cheerio.

Caesar made it there by a hair and scarfed the Cheerio. Jake, not to be outdone, grabbed the dog, opened his mouth, removed the Cheerio and popped it into his mouth before I even knew what happened!!!

It was so gross. But I also knew at that time Caesar really would look after Jake and they really seemed to bond over that shared Cheerio. If I were Caesar I might have decided to practice my biting on that little boy.

Our family room is huge. We have two sofas facing each other in the front and behind the sofa is a gigantic play area. The boys were back there playing while I was at the "beauty shop".

While I was allowing me new 4 year old stylist rip my hair out, umm I mean style my hair, I heard Marvin say, "Fetch dog." Jake just laughed like crazy.

He has been trying to teach Caesar to fetch for quite a while.

He clapped and said good boy. This went on for a few times and then he said, "Speak like a dog. Go ruff, ruff." Silence.

"I said speak like a dog. Go ruff ruff." Silence except for laughing.

"Oh well fetch the ball." The ball came rolling by me and the dog right after it but I was shocked.

The dog was a little boy named Jake just laughing away. He fetched the ball and took it back to Marvin just giggling like crazy.

I asked Marvin, "What are you doing?"

"Playing with my dog."

"Oh. That's not your dog. That's your brother. "

"I know but I want a dog right now, not a brother."

Lil B

Lil B,

We are trusting God for you. I believe He knows what is best for you and is working in your life.

I am praying so hard for you.

Today has been such a sad day for me.

I am still waiting to hear from Eagle's Nest on the status of Lil B.

He had an interview with the powers that be in Guatemala to discuss his staying at the Eagle's Nest.

When I received the information from Claire I immediately started to pray for all the children at the Eagle's Nest.

It sounds as if the government is trying to take away all the children and shut down the orphanage.

What a mess.

These little guys and dolls are receiving great care from Larry, Claire and the staff. They are well fed and healthy. This is terribly hard for me to understand. Why would they want Lil B to be removed from the only home he has known the last 15 months?

I ask you join me in remembering to pray for all the children left in Guatemala. It is terrible to think of what they must be going through without parents.

ELECTRIC IS SO GOOD

Electric is good, very, very good. It is amazing how much we take for granted our conveniences that people around the world do not have!!

Ohio has had the worst wind storm. Last night our winds had gusts of 74 miles per hour. It was horrible. You felt as if you were going to be blown away.

Thankfully we did not have snow but rain during this time. I can't imagine how snowed in we would be if the temperature had not been 45!

Last night at 9:52 our cable went out. We are HUGE Lost fans and this was devastating. We missed the last few minutes of the show. Blake and I only watch one show on TV other than the news! That is it. Nothing else. We can't wait for Wednesday nights.

OK no cable, no internet, no land line phones. We can live.

Around 10:00 I ran the bathtub full of cold water to make sure we would have water to flush the toilets if the electric went off.

10:17 the lights start to flicker. I say to Blake "I need to get up and get some candles out in case we lose the lights." 10:19 Marvin comes down scared from the wind. 10:21 I am still sitting on the bed and the lights go out. No candles. Not good. Our house is pitch black.

Jake immediately starts screaming. The wind was so strong at that moment it sounded like a freight train. So I take off to the upstairs with my cell phone lighting the way.

The two older boys were asleep in the basement. Ann and I grabbed Bell and Jake and took them down to our room. Ann decided to sleep upstairs.

So because I was lazy I had to gather the candles from the closet in the dark.

All night long the wind was howling. The temperature in the house at 8:00 AM was 56.

Now the big problem in the country is no electric, no well water. No water, no shower, no flushing the toilet add to that the loss of electric and no microwave, teapot or toaster.

It was an adventure. Thankfully my parents and sisters, who live three miles away, had electric. Blake and Jesse went and took showers at my parents and then it was off to work and school.

Sam got his braces on today, pictures later, so he and I went to my sisters around 10:30 for showers before the orthodontist. Of course the three little ones planted themselves immediately in front of her TV.

The lights came back on at 2:19 PM. Praise God!

It is amazing to me how we forget to be thankful for the things we grow to expect such as lights, a warm shower, clean water to brush teeth, warmth. These are things we take for granted that other countries do not have even have.

Last night as the wind roared around us I fell asleep praying, thanking God for a well built home that could stand strong in the winds and shelter us from the brutality of the cold air. Yes it was cool inside but it was even colder outside as the wind was blowing. We were able to protect our children from the cold, harsh winds.

I shiver to think how hard it would be as a parent without a way to protect my children from the cold winds.

God blesses us so much in this country. We want to stand and complain and not work for what we get. Many people expect a hand out and not a helping hand. Many would rather survive on government programs than have gainful employment to pay for what they need. Many gripe about what is wrong with this country rather than look at what is good and volunteer to help fix the bad

I am proud God saw fit to allow me the luxury of being born in America where warm beds and a roof over our heads is typical. Sometimes I forget how much He has given me and forget to thank and praise Him for all He gives me. It takes a night without electric to put things into perspective.

DREARY DAY OUTSIDE, BEAUTIFUL INSIDE

Well today was a dreary day. No sun shine but it was warm. Rain but it was warm. Foggy but it was warm. Dark but it was warm. Catch a pattern here? It made it up to mid 50s today! I am so happy to have a warm day I hardly noticed the other things.
We had to be in Columbus for an 8:30 AM doctor's appointment for Ann. It is an hour drive in traffic AND all three little guys had to go.
What was that girl thinking when she made the appointment????
We decided to make a day of it and I was so thankful for the warm weather.
Ann is such a sweet young lady and I couldn't be happier about spending the day with her but I do have to admit lack of sleep from the backseat had its moments.
Jake of course was almost perfect. Anabeli was tolerable and Marvin is at least still alive at this point in the evening.
He is becoming a very impatient child lately and when you are four of six that is not a virtue. We spent a great deal of time talking about being a peacemaker today and waiting our turn.
After the appointment we hit three great resale shops. It was fantastic.
Anabeli was able to get three matching outfits for $5.00 each that look brand new, three pairs of denim shorts for 2.00 each and a few shirts. I was thrilled.
Shop three is a Plato's Closet. If you have teens this is a great shop. I think they are a nationwide chain. The one we go to is in a wealthy part of Columbus which helps with Ann's fashionista ways.
Sam managed to get four pairs of designer (or at least Ann says they are) shorts and two pairs of jeans. This is a big deal since he is a 28X30 and that is so hard to find. I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
Jesse and Ann go their fair share of clothes there too. Nope we aren't too proud for second hand or garage sale things. The cheaper the better for us.
I find that very sad. Everything we bought looked brand new or maybe four washings. These were clothes with an "original" price tag of at least 75.00 if bought new. The store was filled to capacity.
Where are these kids getting the money for 200.00 jeans and 100.00 shirts??? What does it say to them to see their things hanging on a rack for 10.00-15.00?? Do they see the waste in the price or do they notice the items are still like new?
What will these same kids do when they go off on their own? I can't think of too many jobs with a starting salary that can support the life they are accustomed to living.
Lately we have decided to cut drastically all aspects of our lives. Are the kids feeling the pinch?? Yes. But that is a good thing in my mind. Life isn't always the best of every possible material thing. Sometimes it can be downright cruel in that area.
But when you look at family values, family memories and God's will I think our lives are right on track.
Yes we got some good deals but more importantly we had a good time today just being together.
When I think of Ann starting to leave the nest I am overwhelmed. I am glad we have days like today where we can laugh, bargain hunt and just have everyday fun for memories.
She picked lunch at her favorite place, Olive Garden. As we sat there waiting on our food I told the little guys the stories of Annie's life.
Annie loved the Olive Garden when she was young. She called it "Garden Ollie" and at that time we lived 10 minutes from "Garden Ollie".
Several nights daddy came home and she would beg to go out to eat. It didn't matter if supper was ready or not. When she would say, "Daddy go to Garden Ollie, puhleese. Daddy I wuv you lots," we were out the door. She still knows how to play her daddy.
For some reason when she was about two and a half she even removed all the silverware and stuffed it in the diaper bag. I don't know why. She doesn't know why although she did try to blame it on "baby Jesse". He was blamed a lot around that time.
I opened it a few days later when we were getting ready for another outing and found it. The next time we went SHE had to return it.

M and A laughed at the thought of big sis being so silly.

Even though it was dreary outside my memories were able to make it a beautiful day.

This is what I wish for my children. Beautiful days of recalling childhood memories.

WE LOVE YOU LOTS ANNIE GIRL!

Quick Post

We have been super busy the last week or so.
Jake has been evaluated and will start preschool in a week or two. :( I am trying to be upbeat about this but it is killing me inside. He is too little to leave his mama.
Marvin had major dental work done today and came out like a champ. I am so proud of him.
Anabeli is busy being the princess.
Sam had a basketball game Saturday and practice tonight. Lots of running.
Jesse is pondering what to get girlfriend for Valentines Day. I suggested a rose. Nothing to expensive or committal. He is only 15.5. He is starting to get ready to take the test for his temps on March 13. He will be driving by the end of September.
Ann is now officially a senior. Once again, I am breaking down. She went to online schooling about two weeks ago and is chugging right along. We need to start planning a graduation party for June.
Between all that, Jake's two therapies a week, Jake's nasty cold, various doctor's appointments, etc we have been extremely busy. Man, life is never boring here!
On the plus side, it has been very warm (in high 40 and 50 range) for several days. After church yesterday we all jumped in the car and drove about 20 miles to Chipolte to enjoy the weather and each other. Well at least some of us enjoyed each other. Others just did a lot of eye rolling and goofing around.