Tuesday, August 19, 2008


I can't wait any longer. I have got to show you pictures of our little angel.
Our very first picture of Jake. He and daddy were "walking". Daddy put him behind the stroller and he was able to use it as a walker. He loved it. His eyes ares sparkling here. Such a huge improvement than the night before.

Sleeping in peace. He was totally comfortable falling asleep that night. He didn't wiggle or move like the night before.

What a gorgeous face. He sleeps so peacefully.

This was a few days after he came home. Marvin carefully put his arm around Jake to help steady him. He has such a sweet big brother look on his face. Anabeli was saying, "I really love him mommy."

Give me the camera daddy. It is my turn to take a picture. You can see what it is like with all those lights going off constantly in your eyes.


Monday morning was not a good time. When Blake and I got up at 6:00 we were so tired and our minds were so heavy.

As I took my shower it dawned on me Jake didn't get a bath the night before. I was really sad about that. In all of our concerns we forgot to give him a bath. I felt so terrible about it.

We had to be down in the lobby at 6:45 for our appointment at 7:15. We were Number 5. In the Embassy world your time is important but your number is even more important. A low number means you will be in and out fairly quickly. A high number means you will be there for a long time. I was so happy we had what I thought was a low number.

After getting myself ready I stood in front of the mirror and took a good, hard, long look. I had huge dark circles under my red-from-crying swollen almost shut eyes. Blake didn't look any better. For the first time in my life I felt so old. Already my make up had smeared from tears running down my cheek. I found myself thinking over and over, "Lord I believe he will be able to walk this morning."

I silently made his bottle and put it into his diaper bag along with three toys and two diapers and all the Embassy paperwork.

Blake and I went in together and I got out his little clothes for the Embassy. I had brought a pair of red, white and blue checked shorts and a navy shirt with a big flag on it. It was size 18-24 months. The shoes I had brought him were so huge on him so I opted for the pair he was brought to us in.

When I looked over to the bed Blake was sitting beside him coaxing him awake. He was smiling down at him with misty eyes.

Lord, how in this world could you let a child suffer like this? What did he do to cause so much pain? Please, please help us get through this day.

As Jake was waking I had a hint of hope today would be his day. I remember even thinking, "Today will be the day Jake learns all about how good the world can be." It was such a funny thought at the time but now as I look back I believe it was so true. If only we knew just how much at that time.

I still feel bad about no bath on his day but I did give him a quick rub down with a wash cloth and dressed him.

The time for truth had come. As I started to stand him up on the floor, his little legs started to "dance" again. My heart started to sink and then I felt such comfort again. God had great plans and I was trying to rush him to fulfil my own needs. Even with my best intentions I was trying to hurry God and God will not be hurried.

I started to stand up and immediately he broke out into a smile and his little legs wrapped around me. It was so clear to me God was working and I was being told to wait.

Wait again. Why was God saying wait? This child was so behind why did we need to wait? What were we waiting on? What if we missed the sign we were waiting on? What if we needed to move to allow him free reign of the house? What if?? What if??? What if???

Instantly God stopped me. It was as if He was standing beside me and said aloud, "Wait. I love him too."

Oh sorry God. For a second I forgot that.

We were down in the lobby of a gorgeous hotel by 6:35. Even to this day I have such a small memory of it. What I do remember seems to be in gray tones. I am not sure why unless it was because of the sorrow of this pick up trip.

As we sat on the sofa and waited for our interpreter, Jake took the opportunity to be passed from one of us to the other. He smiled so much. He was drinking his morning bottle and looked so cute with his little blanket wrapped around him.

His clothes were way too big on him. He looked as if he was about a size 9 months and there he was sitting in an 18-24 month old size. He looked so sweet.

That is when it hit me. I believed God was helping me but I think what I needed more than anything was to cry again. I was surprised when I felt the tears on my cheeks. I should have been dehydrated from crying so much the night before.

The tears were warm and they continued to roll faster than the one before. I couldn't stop. I once again wanted to run. Where? Why? What is going on?

Blake put his arm around me and Jake immediately scooted off his lap onto mine. It was as if someone had stabbed me in the heart. I looked down on this angelic face sitting on my lap with his little bobbly head. I loved him so much already.

The only thing I could think was "I love you. I love you. We love you. God loves you and has big plans for you."

We looked up to see Henry standing within 20 feet of us. He was smiling. Blake forced a smile and through my tears I tried hard to smile.

He came over he sat down and talked to us. He knew about last night's surprise. He knew we had tried to get in touch with our facilitator. He knew a lot. How?

Then he told us S and M had called and let him know there was quite a problem. Interestingly, although we had not heard from our facilitator, she had called S and told her to tell Henry to tell us, "If you don't want him that is okay. Go to the Embassy. Sign all the documents and when you get back in the US you can disrupt his adoption and I will find him a new home."


Please tell me I just heard him wrong? I looked up to see him frowning as if the words were sticking in his throat.

He also said S told him to tell us that is not a good idea.

Wait a minute here. You want us to go to the Embassy and take an oath to be his parents and LIE about it? (If we don't want him.) You are so crazy. I immediately became so mad I couldn't see straight. As I stood up I got so dizzy I thought I would pass out and handed Jake to Blake without saying a word.

I don't remember getting to Henry's car but I do remember getting in and being handed Jake.

I was furious. No child is like a puppy. You don't take them home and the decide you don't want them. You cannot say that. You cannot do that. You cannot be that cold and uncaring Ms. facilitator.

My mamma bear instincts really kicked in. At that moment I believe I could have moved an ocean to get my child what he needed.

Blake and Henry made small talk. I don't remember. I do remember he was very sweet and kind. He told us all about life in Guatemala. I don't know what he said.

My whole world at that moment consisted of the cute little boy on my lap. He was my son. No way could I "give him up". The only thing I remember about that ride was Blake's arm protectively around my shoulder and his other hand on Jake's leg. I could tell he too was blown away.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


DUDES- This is so cool. I won an award. Thanks Mary Ann and Candy. Almost as good as winning "Mother of the Year" award which I tend to blow by January 2 of every year.

So here it goes.
A. Attached or single? Attached to my husband, kids and a dumb dog named Cheyanne.
B. Best Friend? Of course my husband but my best girlfriend is Gail M. I think she is the only person that really understands and knows me and still loves me just the same.
C. Cake or Pie? CAKE, especially if it is from the local bakery here.
D. Day of Choice? Not sure right now. They all seem to run together. :) Sunday is nice because you go to church and I get to take a nap.
E. Essential Item? My computer and my cell phone.
F. Favorite color? RED
G. Gummy Bears or Worms? NEITHER YUCK.
H. Home town? Marion, OH.
I. Indulgence? a pedicure and facial and something new, a seaweed wrap.
J. January or July?J anuary if it is a pretty white snow and I don't need to leave the house! July if it is hot and I don't have to leave the house. (See a pattern forming? Life is different with a 4 year old, 3 and 2.)
K. Kids? 6 4 boys, 2 girls.
L. Life isn't complete without? My kids, husband and church (oh and a good coke)
M. Marriage date? December 8, 1990
N. Number of Brothers and Sisters? 2 sisters one six years younger and one 15.5 years younger.
O. Oranges or Apples? Apples. but orange juice over appla juice
P.Phobias? MICE. I can't stand MICE. I know they are much littler than me but it doesn't stop me from screaming and standing on things.
Q. Quotes? Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a good future.
R. Reason to smile? Life, the good and the bad.
S. Season of Choice? Fall Our woods is so gorgeous in fall and the air is so crisp.
T. Tag 7 people ( see below)
U. Unknown fact about me? I would like to learn to fly a plane but Blake says NO. He thinks I am too absent minded and tend to forget about finishing things. Hmmmmm
V. Vegetable? Not just one but several this time of the year. Fresh corn on the cob, tomatoes, cucumbers, green beans and red potatoes fresh from the garden.
W. Worst Habit? Checking the computer
X. X-ray or Ultrasound? x-ray. My lungs have been x-rayed so much I think I glow in the dark. Who needs a costume for Halloween when you can glow like a skeleton???
Y. Your Fav. food? A good summer vegetarian meal.
Z. Zodiac sign? Libra
My choice of seven to tag:
Holly, Amy B., Angel, Erin and Kim I am too tired to come up with anyone else!


Jake was down for his afternoon nap today. It was really quiet so I peeked around the corner to see if he was asleep. NO!!!!
He was scaling the corner of the PACK AND PLAY! Oh and the P&P is not even mine so I hope he doesn't break it.
Now this kid can't walk or really stand up for long and he not only climbed up but was trying to climb down the other side. He was holding on and dangling.
It didn't take long for him to get his balance and scale down the other side.
When I walked in he had the biggest smile. I am not sure he heard the "Jake no no no. This is not good."
But I sure heard about it when I put him back in the crib and told him to "stay". He screamed "no mamma, no." but did not try to climb out again.
This child is going to be a major climber when he is more stable!
(To be honest, I am thrilled at this point)

Sunday, August 10, 2008


My mommy has been so busy she asked me to blog for her.
She plays with me all day and then she goes to work for daddy to buy me more toys. That woman likes to shop for toys.
She will be back soon.

I am still not sure what to think about this family.

Mommy has me doing all kinds of things and she is always clapping and saying, "Good Job Jake." It makes me smile. I can also say it now when she is too busy to say it.

My daddy walks with me every night for lots of time. He walks me all around the house and holds my hands to keep me from falling. I want to be a good walker like daddy soon.

My biggest sister Annie is a push over. She holds me and kisses me all the time. Mommy says I will never learn to walk because Annie holds me all the time.

My biggest brother Jesse feeds me things mommy says no to like Doritos and potato chips. He smiles when he holds me. He is big and strong and I feel safe when I am with him.

Sam gives me pop when mommy isn't looking and he carries me a lot too. He also takes me to the TV room and crawls with me. I can almost beat him.

Anabeli is a good big sister and spends time looking at books with me. She pats my back and takes her nap with me when she is tired.

I think Marvin is the coolest. When I am 4 I want to be just like him. He makes me laugh and likes to play "boo" with me. I cover my face but he always finds me and knows I am there! He is so neat.

Mommy wanted to me tell you what I have learned since I came home. There has been so much. Life sure is different here than in my other home.

1- I can crawl really fast. I couldn't crawl but one or two steps before but now I know how to crawl and I can outrun mommy sometimes.
2- When mommy says "no" it means hurry up and finish and then crawl away as fast as you can. If she catches you she makes you stop whatever it was you were doing.
3- Food isn't going to go away here. At first I ate so much because I was afraid food wouldn't be there but now I know daddy will always make sure there is food. I don't have to eat quite as much because I know in a few hours there will be more.
4- If I cry someone will come right then and see what I need. That is neat and it works all day and all night but mommy and daddy don't seem to be in the best mood at night.
5- I can sit up now and not worry about falling right over. My head doesn't bobble any more.
6- I can pick up a whole handful of Cheerios now instead of one at a time. That is neat cause they fill my mouth easier.
7-I can say a few words but the ones that work the best and "mommy and daddy." They smile and hug me.
8- Hugs and kisses will always be here for me.
9-You are supposed to be quiet in church. oops... Sunday School class with mommy and daddy is cool because all these old people want to hold me and hug me. They touch my head and say "he is the sweetest thing, or He is so cute."
10- I can take about 7 steps by myself now. It is fun. I am also learning to hold onto furniture to get around the room.
11- My "lazy" eye is getting better because there is so much to see here. I always have something busy to look at.
12-Mommy has been teaching me to crawl up and down stairs. This is neat because when mommy isn't looking I practice by myself and can get into things.
13- I can hold my bottle and my cup with one hand now.
14-I am left handed and never miss my mouth now. I know exactly where it is.
15- I know now I can sit in my crib by myself in the room I share with mommy and daddy. They did not leave me for good and someone will be back soon. I am glad they let me share my room with them.
16- Mommy and daddy are always there, even in the dark. If I cry hard enough mommy will take me out of my crib and put me in bed with them. (I do this a lot because I like to sleep with my head up against daddy and my feet on mommy's arm.)
17- "I love you" means I will keep up safe, warm and cozy.
18- My whole life has changed. Mommy says this is what it means to live. I like it a lot.

Hopefully mommy will get off tomorrow night to post pictures of me.

Friday, August 1, 2008


Please hop on over to the Riggs blog. Little Abby has been diagnosed with Leukemia.
Her mommy and daddy are staying very positive but I am sure would like to read comments of support from those praying and thinking of their goregous Guatling, Abby.