Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Not much new today but I am thinking and crying.

Marvin asked me today if I was his real mom. The question came out of nowhere. I am totally blown away. Of course I said yes.
He said, "Why you hair not like mine? You from Guatemala?"
My heart is broken. Not that he would question me. I expected this, maybe not this soon.
But how can you possibly explain to a child at any age the sacrifice his mother made to make sure he had a better life?
Only another mother could understand the depth of such an act. Only another mother could understand the love she must have had. You my adoptive friends know the feeling I am talking about.
My heart is breaking for Marvin's mother, Anabeli's mother and Jacob's mother.
What would it be like to know you have a child somewhere in a far off land that had another family? How much would your heart break on birthdays? Would you think of your child every day? Would you imagine what they look like? Would you wonder about their health and well being?
I don't have these answers for them but I can only guess as a mother they come to her mind each day.
If I could write a letter to each of them it would say:

Thank you for your sacrifice. It is because of you I am a mother of six beautiful children.
Don't worry about him/her. He has more than enough to eat. More toys than he could ever play with. More clothes than any child needs. More vacations and holidays than he will ever remember.
But most of all he has love. The undying love of two parents who believe he is the light of the world. He is our son/daughter and our world revolves around him. Brothers and sisters that have a tight sibling love, not just blood felt but heart felt are here.
Each day I thank God for the priveleges of being a parent to all my children.
We are bound as a family by love. You are also now a part of our family. I think of you and wish so much you could see how precious your child is.
Every once in a while I will notice a feature that makes me think of you. I have poured over the DNA photo I have of you. I know your facial features. I can see you when I close my eyes and in the face of your child.
In Marvin I see your eyes. They are beautiful.
In Anabeli I see you lips. So full and model like.
In Jake I see your curly hair, beautiful and black.

But more than that I see your will to live. You are a survivor. He/she is a survivor.

More than being boung by love, we are bound by a greater plan. God destined these children to be a part of our family at the moment of conception. I fully believe it was His plan for us to be a family. You had a choice to bring life to term or take it away before birth. Thank you for giving life. Every day I watch as they live their lives and grow. It is wonderful.

Please don't ever feel bad for giving life or choosing adoption. It is because of you we are a happy big family. Sure we have our moments. Every family does. But at the end of each day I thank God for my husband, my biological children, my heart grown children and your their mothers.

I am expecting big lives from the three Guatlings we share. God has it all planned out. I can't wait to see how His plan is fulfilled for all six of my children. It is exciting to think and imagine what they will be like as adults.

It is my prayer God will watch and protect you. I also pray he will allow you to have a calm heart and a satisfying life. The children we share as mothers are loved by not only earthly parents but more importantly by their Heavenly Father.

With a Mother's love,


Amy said...

Amen! Well said... and yes, I can totally relate. Amy

Kelly said...

Oh my goodness I have tears in my eyes reading that. And of course I can relate as well. I think about my daughter's bio mom every day, so I can only imagine how often she thinks of my sweet little Kemry. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving me a comment!!! You are so blessed to have such beautiful children as well. I love seeing other big families with their hearts in the right place! :)