BE MY BABY

I am feeling very sentimental today. I can't help but think of when Annie was a baby as I await news that Jake it out of PGN and has our last name.
I am really not into the music my kids are listening to. I do check it for lyrics that aren't bad but other than that I don't pay attention.
Ann has had a song by "The Fray" on as her ringtone for quite some time now. It is "Look After You". I hear it about 10 times a day as I check in with her.
I remembering listening to it a lot when it was popular in the summer because she plays her music loud enough for EVERYONE in a five mile radius to here.
A few weeks ago though I heard it on the radio and it made me think. Not all of the words are special but some of them deal with how I feel about my kids, all six of them.

Be my baby I'll look after you. Isn't that what being a mom is all about? Looking after a helpless child, a curious toddler, a stubborn youth, an obnoxious teenager and finally an adult child; as they grow your love changes to meet their needs.

I like when it talks about losing control as the world spins around us. Being with our families should be the comfort we need to calm our spirits and help us slow down.

"It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own"

This is the verse that means the most to me. Before children Blake and I were so wrapped up in our lives. But 11 months after we were married everything and every part of our lives became about this baby girl.

You've begun to feel like home is my favorite line in the whole song. With each of my kids when you walked through the door with them for the first time it just felt right. It felt complete and whole. It felt like home.

I remember that feeling very intensely with Ann beacause she was our first. The moment I walked into our home it was different. I was this child's mom. She needed me and I needed to look after her. She and then all of her siblings became my life. It just felt like a home.

Now there is laughter, happiness, growth, love and occasinally sadness but that is what home is. A place were raw emotion runs freely. A place where fierce loyalty to each other bonds us and gives us a chance to grow.

Then finally why "What's mine is yours to leave or take. What's mine is yours to make your own."

We give our children everything possible. We would also give everything we have in a heartbeat to save and protect our child. What's mine is yours, all of it, the material things, the unconditional love, the expectations, the goals, the dreams and hopes. Sometimes without meaning to we also give them the worst of it. Thank God for forgiveness.

Lately I think of this song in the context of Jake. We are going to go to Gautemala in God's timing and we are going to meet this little boy for the first time. Naturally he will be scared and we will do anything to make him feel comforted. We want to feel like home to him.

After all, isn't that the purpose in giving birth or adopting? We want our children to feel safe and loved and cared for. We want them to feel at home in our hearts.

I love you Annie, Jesse, Sam, Marvin, Bell Bell and Jake. You are what home is to me.

"Look After You"

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh, oh
Be my baby
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh, oh
Be my baby
Oh, oh, ohOh, oh, oh
I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Be my baby
Oh, oh, oh