SUNDAY NIGHT CONTINUED

Oh.,.. I forgot something important to this story.
We had asked S and M to make us an appointment with the neurologist who had been seeing Jake. We had asked for that in November 2007 and asked he continue to see Jake until pick up. We found out then he had only seen him once. We had asked and were going to pay for these visits and the facilitator did not follow through. He had one visit in November that we were told was normal! The report S and M gave us was the original report and it did not say anything about being normal.

And also I do not have pictures for Sunday at all. We do have a video but in the confusion and shock of the evening it did not dawn on us until Monday that we had not taken a picture of him!

So we walked into our hotel room and shut the door. It is easy to be happy when you are out in public but when you walk into the comfort of your room, it is hard to smile when you are so concerned.

We had decided not to give him any indication that anything was wrong. As I got his things for bed, Blake sat on the step up to on bed and played with him. They walked together and played peek a boo. It was so bittersweet for me to watch them play. I loved this little boy with all my heart already and it was breaking that he could be handicapped for the rest of his life and unable to care for himself.

We called home and talked to the kids. It wasn't a long call. I just didn't have the strength to answer lots of questions. We did share with them how gorgeous their brother was and what a sweetheart he was.

We dressed him and gave him his bottle and laid him on our bed with us. He slurped up the bottle and was giggling at us as we took turns cuddling him.

Blake got up and took him near his crib. He immediately started to cry and it was horrible. The little guy acted as if he was scared of the crib.

Blake immediately brought him back to our bed and we slowly got dressed for the night.

There is not a night in memory that was as long as that.

We cuddled him until he was sound asleep. Then we chose to let him sleep with us.

He cuddled up next to his dad and every time Blake moved, Jake moved closer to him.

The entire night we talked. So many question and so few answers.

1- What is really wrong with Jake?
God I believe in your healing and your strength for Jake's life.

2- If he is going to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, we will need to find another house--Soon. Our real estate market is dead and our house is gorgeous and very unique. There is no way to get into any part of the "family house" without going up stairs. All the kids' bedrooms are up yet another flight of stairs. We couldn't see a way to sell our home in this market.

What was God telling us?

3- What will be the extent of his CP? Will he ever get to experience life without a wheelchair or even be able to care for his daily needs?

God are you listening to our questions?

4- Before we left I received a call from our pastor asking me to teach Children's Church for our church. It is job that requires lots of preparation. It was a job I love so much. How can I do all this and take care of our family and get Jake to therapy, etc?

God what is your plan? Is this a test to see if I will put my children first?

5- At some point we need to tell the kids about this before we get home.

God here we are asking again for a miracle. I know you are listening but I am so scared.

6- Who do we call when we get home to start this whole process?

God I am really scared for him. Can you help me calm down?

While all of this is going on, Jake is moving around all over the bed. I do mean all over. He was kicking and moving his legs in his sleep like he was "Dancing". He was rolling all over the bed. His body had to be touching Blake's at all times. I had to be holding his hand. If not he would wake up enough to find it.

We talked and prayed all night long. I did finally fall asleep for about an hour. I prayed even in my sleep. At some point in the night I asked God for a complete miracle by morning. I wanted to see our son walking in the morning. I truly, 100% believe that God could do this but was this his plan?

Jake mumbled in his sleep. Every time I heard his gorgeous voice I would cry. My cries would lead to sobs and I would leave the room because I didn't want to add extra stress to Blake. He said later he didn't notice or guess that I was crying. I am so happy for this. My crying was for our son not for us. It was because of the sadness that was there from the lies.

We knew what had to be done in the morning. We had to talk to someone at the Embassy and ask for help. Interestingly though we had no idea what kind of help we needed from them. I just knew I didn't want other parents to experience what we had.

I wanted so much to call my sisters or my mother but I just couldn't because I didn't want to add my sorrow to their daily stress at home without answers. I wanted to run away with him in my arms but where would I go? How would that help the situation?

God please hear my cries and understand I am not blaming you for this mistake in information. I still believe with all my heart he was meant to be our son. A little time to prepare for this would have been nice but I know you love him more than we could ever. Please, please, heal him by sunrise. Please let me know what to do. I am not even sure why I am asking this question. Please help me I am way too tired and upset to pray. I am emotionally exhausted. I am physically exhausted. I need You to lift me up and help me to hold it together for him and for us. Please help however You think is best. Can you give me a clue what is going to happen?

I must have prayed these same words over and over as I was waiting to see the sun coming up. It started to lighten a bit outside the window.

My miracle God. Please don't forget. Please don't forget. I believe 100% you can do this. P.S. God, please remove any unbelief in my heart.

God did perform my miracle but it was not in any way I would have expected!!! Once again his perfect plan is better than any plan I could hope for.

Tomorrow Monday's pictures and a recap of that wonderful day. The day Jake started to live life and realize there was a big exciting world out there for him. For this first time in his little life I believe he became alive. He had been of this world but I don't think he knew anything about it until Monday.

SUNDAY JUNE 13- WE MEET OUR GUY

We left Columbus at 6:05 AM on our way to Guatemala.
I can't begin to tell you how excited we were to be on our way.
We had big plans for the day. Jake was supposed to come to us between 2-4 pm. Blake was excited about meeting him and then the possibility of getting Pollo Comprero for supper. Embassy appointment was Monday at 7:15 AM so we were hoping Jake would allow us a good night's sleep.
Our flights were next to perfect. As we came into Guatemala, it felt almost like home. The airport has been redone since we were there in 2006. The smells were the same and seeing all the little children outside was making my arms ache for my little guy.
We made it to the Grand Tikal in good time and had almost 2 hours before Jake would be there.
I took a warm shower to calm my nerves and then a small nap.
At 3:45 you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. At 4:30 I decided to walk the halls. At 5:30 I began to wonder what was wrong and went back to the room to cry. Blake started to look for the agency packet for us to call someone. At 6:00 I was walking the halls again and then I saw him.
He was in a stroller. Two ladies and a little boy pushed the stroller. Even without my glasses and from several floors up there was no doubt that was Jake.
I ran into the room and told Blake. He got out the video camera and took the call. They were coming up to the room!
They came in and Jake was sitting in the stroller. We ushered them into our room and shortly thereafter I got down on my knees to talk face to face with MY son.
Of course I didn't want to scare or overwhelm him so I had decided to take it slow. I said "Hola Darvin" (his given name) and he smiled the biggest smile. He started to kick and get out of the stroller but the belt held him in.
S.undid his stroller while I scooted back to give him room to walk to me.
That's when my world fell apart.
S and M looked at me in a strange way and said, "He doesn't walk."

WHAT????? He is 22 months old. I was told he was "just a little developmentally behind like all Guatemalan kids."

When I stabilized his body, his legs started to move in a strange way, almost as if he was running in place. He locked eyes with me and was smiling at me. He tried to reach for me but did not have the motor skills to touch my face. His upper body was extremely wobbly and I was honestly afraid he would not be able to hold his head up. I wanted to cry for him.

I tried to smile, pay attention to him but I was also pleading with Blake with my eyes to tell me what was going on.

S and M then went on with the bad news. They asked if we knew about his condition. No. We don't know what you are talking about. We were told he was "developmentally delayed" due to health conditions at birth by S and M.

From this point on everything we thought we knew about Jake turned out to be false. S and M had a doctor's report stating he was delayed due to asphyxia at birth or from the "bad blood" that required a blood transfusion at 21 days. Cerebral palsy was a possibility.

As we sat in the hotel room and tried to listen to what history they knew, Blake and I were devastated. We did not have any idea that ANYTHING that was wrong with him.

Finally S and M left after going over his schedule. They seemed to so sad as they left. I later found out they doubted if Jake would go home with us. But I also found out these two wonderful ladies went to the church and asked the Priest to pray for the three of us and lit candles for us.

They didn't know us. They really didn't have to care but they did.

Jake was such a sweetheart. He laughed, never one time cried, went right to his dad and was in general a happy baby.

Blake immediately did a neurologic exam on him which was normal although he was quick to remind me he was not a children's neurologist and it had been a long time since he examined a child, about 26 years.

We were stunned. We were shocked but yet we were in love.

I really don't remember a lot from then on for a few hours. I do know we realized he was probably hungry and went down to the restaurant in the hotel to eat.

Blake wasn't sure if he could swallow very well so we started with very little bites. It didn't take long for him to want bigger bites. It was clear he did not know how to use a spoon or fork. I broke some small pieces of bread and he tried very hard to pick them up.

His grasp was great but it was very hard for him to find the piece of bread due to horrible motor skills. My heart was breaking.

He didn't know how to use a sippy cup or straw. I used the straw to trap tea and he sucked it out. That didn't last long and before the meals arrived he had learned to drink from a straw.

I was in such a state of shock and so was Blake. We didn't talk much. We watched him and tried to eat. I maybe took three bites. Jake on the other hand didn't seem to know anything was up and ate a huge supper. Would he ever walk? What were we facing as far as "life issues"? Would he ever be able to live a normal life?

He was getting restless while we were waiting for our bill and he and I went out to the hall. Once again as I placed him down and grabbed his little hands, I was scared when he went into his "dancing walk". That is what we later called it.

It was clear to me we had a huge problem and at that point I didn't know what to do or where to turn. We were in a foreign country, didn't speak the language and had a little boy to care for we didn't know a thing about. I felt so all alone. I knew we were in need of real help.

As I picked him up he grabbed my neck and held on tight. He placed his little head on my shoulder and I all but melted. It was quite clear what to do.

It was time to pray. We were the only ones in the hall and we walked off away from all the excitement of the restaurant. He still had such a grip on my neck.

One thing I do remember was his grip felt so good. It felt natural. It felt like love. It was pure and trusting. He was making my his mommy forever. He was bonding heart to heart.

I started to whisper a prayer in his ear. As I started to pray two things happened.

He listed to my prayer. I know he didn't understand my English but I know in my heart he understood what I was doing.

As the word's rolled off through my head and quietly off my tongue I prayed a prayer I will never forget.

I prayed for a miracle. I prayed for a miracle of my son. I prayed God would perform His perfect miracle in our lives, all of our lives.

I thanked Him for our good flights. I thanked him for our son. I thanked Him for His stripes for our healing and in specific, Jake's healing.

As I prayed I felt such a warmth fill me. I felt God working in both of us. I wanted so much to shout it from the rooftop but at that point I wasn't sure what there was to shout about. What did God have planned? I didn't know what He was going to do but I knew for sure He was going to do something.

As I stood there and prayed, I rocked my guy in my arms. A peace poured over me. It was that peace that would hold the three of us together over the next 72 hours.

Blake came out and together we walked to the elevator and back to the room in silence. I wanted to tell him what I was feeling but sadly enough I didn't. I was afraid he would think I was nuts.

(To be continued tomorrow)

THE MIRACLE OF JACOB

I am so sorry I have been MIA lately on this blog but things since we came home have not always been good. We are super busy.
I have debated if we should tell our story of Jacob since we received him 16 days ago. We have come to the conclusion our story serves as two things- 1- As a reminder to potential parents to be careful with your expectations and even your updates when you go to Guatemala for pick up and 2- to glorify God in the miracle of our son Jacob.
His story has changed my heart and changed my life.
Never again will I allow myself to become fearful and worry when I have turned something over to God. When I turn something over, I have learned to leave it in His hands. I promise to never forget God's working and his love in this adoption. I never want to take His miracles by casual thanks again. He is a great God who took a poor little boy and through him worked a miracle beyond my wildest dreams.
We came home with a sense of hope and trust in God that was not there before. We learned as a couple to pour our hearts out before God and to trust Him to work his perfect will even in a terrible situation with no light in sight.
Jake is God's gift to us.
Even with all the hurt, pain, suffering and confusion I would not give up the lesson I learned or my son for anything thing in this world.
Tomorrow I will start with our first meeting Sunday night. If you are adopting and an anxious parent, please think twice before reading about our pick up trip and the new life of our son.
Oh and stay tuned for the pictures of my little sweetie.

TO ALL MY WEB FRIENDS

I wanted to update you on our journey. We will be leaving for Guatemala on Sunday and be there in the afternoon.
I am swamped and really tired trying to take care of everyone, do office work and get ready to go. Annie and Jesse have been a big help but there are things that only mommy can do.
Because of this I have not been on too many blogs lately and I sure haven't answered any emails.
BUT.... I promise when we get back I will be more vigilant about doing these things.
I am still hoping to post pictures before we leave and of course while I am there if possible.
Thanks for your understanding.
You are great blogger buddies and friends!

By the way, a BIG THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AS WE HAVE SAILED THROUGH THIS CRAZY RIDE.

LIL B

"I wanna be an American. I wanna mommy and daddy. I wanna quit itching!"

I just received new pictures of Lil B.

He has the chicken pox. I guess they are going through the orphanage.

Can you imagine having 30 kids with the chicken pox? How horrible for the children and the workers. I can't imagine trying to soothe all those miserable, itchy little bodies.

He is growing and is as beautiful as ever.

Please continue to be in prayer for all the Guatling cuties.

I'M LEAVING ON A JET PLANE!!!!!

Finally WE HAVE PINK!!!!

I am soooo very happy. It came in tonight about 5:00 PM.

Our appointment is MONDAY!!! By SUNDAY at this time we will be in the Grand Tikal holding our sweet baby boy.

To keep in real I have got to tell you I have just been too overwhelmed to update. I have been working a few days a week (three days a week) and then running to practice, running to here and there, etc has left me in a tailspin.

Our driveway is half done and then it rained buckets last night so they weren't able to work on it today. It sure does look pretty and Anabeli is just dying to get her little bike out on it.

Hopefully I can get July 4th pictures posted tomorrow night.

Anabeli got her glasses on July 3rd. I did all that worrying about how I was going to keep them on her. That was a huge waste of worry time. She loves them and I don't have to fight her about them. She gets up, puts them on and doesn't even touch them. I take them off at lunch time and clean them and then clean them at bedtime.

She is gorgeous in them. I will post a picture.

MY HEART BELONGS TO BELL BELL

I worked today and when I came home I sat down in the over stuffed office chair for a minute.
Anabeli came in and said, "Mommy did God make Bell Bell?"
"Of course he did and he loves you very much."
"Did God say you were my mommy?"
"Yes God sent Bell Bell to be our little angel."
"Did God say daddy was my daddy?"
"Of course he did."
"God sent me a nice mommy and daddy. Love you." and she was off again running around in her neon green princess shoes.
I am sitting here thanking God for giving us Bell Bell. We belong together. We truly are a family.

KEEPIN IT REAL

OK So Angel, http://thevoiceofadventure.blogspot.com has asked us to give a "real" post of our lives. Girl you don't have any idea what you are asking for right now.
1- I haven't had any time at all to work on this blog. Since I came home from vacation, if it could go wrong, I think it has. So here goes a list.
First of all- things that have broken just THIS week.
Blake's camera with all the vacation pictures. We mailed it out over the weekend to get it fixed and I forgot to take the chip out. So all the vacation pictures are in the shop. I can't post them.
2- A week ago I took Anabeli to the eye doctor. For those of you who don't know Anabeli's story, she was cross eyed when we accepted her referral. She had surgery at 1 for her crossed eyes and it was beautiful. If you didn't know her story you wouldn't know she had problems. Our yearly check shows she needs glasses. I am really bummed. How in the world am I going to keep glasses on my little firecracker???
3- Right before vacation I lost my ATM card and driver's license. Huge relief that it hasn't been used but I need my license and I haven't had the time to get a replacement.
Huge problem yesterday when I needed to get a Jake paper notarized. It was so hard to find someone who could notarized and knew me. UGH.
4- My computer died and I just got it back. BUT I didn't get everything off the hard drive so I will need to get the other reinstalled to get my year's pictures off.
5- I have worked at the office Monday and Tuesday and need to go back tomorrow. It has been really tiring because I have had to do things I haven't done in 8 years!!! I am not dumb but rather clueless to the world around me sometimes.

This doesn't even begin to explain all the stupid little things that have come up.
6- My house is clean by messy.
7- I am petrified of how I am going to handle three little kids so close in age in a matter of three weeks.

8- It has rained almost nonstop since we got home. I am sick of rain.

9- I spent an ENTIRE day looking for a piece of paper I have yet to find.

And many many more things I can't even remember since I got home. It nevers stops!
I am trusting God but I am scared.
By the way Sunday was a great day. The pastor's sermon was on the parable of the vineyard. it hit hard. OUCH.
Then we went to Sunday School and talked about patience. Like that isn't another sore subject. Double OUCH.

We will probably be leaving for Guatemala in abut 2 weeks. YEAH but oh NO. Laundry is piling up again.

So Angel "real" truth is this. We all have to remember not to always paint just the good things and make ourselves out to be better than we are.